My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Tears I actually want

I've been weeping for the last 10 minutes or so.  I can't help it.

I know that I don't have proof yet.  I know that I can't get my heart set on anything.  But the numbers are the same.  I felt 2 distinct hard twinges, 12 hours apart during the implantation period, in different quadrants.

And I just can't get over the fact that it feels like I'm getting what I've so desperately wanted for the last 10 months.

I feel like I'm getting a do-over.

Isn't that exactly what every miscarriage mama wants more than anything else in life?  A do-over?  And I thought I could never feel like I had one because a twin pregnancy is so rare, mine would be the first in my family, that I would never truly get one.  I might get another pregnancy, I might eventually have 2 kids, but I wouldn't actually get a do-over.

And I'm just so overwhelmed.  The numbers are just too exactly the same.

I don't know how long until the shoe drops.  But at this moment, I'm so grateful, and feeling unworthy of an opportunity like this.


  1. No shoes! No shoes!! Hugs, Alex...and yes, that's all we want, a do-over. And even though women like us, who get pg via ART, are statistically more likely to conceive multiples, it seems unlikely it would happen twice. Still, I really hope it has for you, and I hope it does for me, too!

  2. That is a really nice thought. Hoping and praying this is your do-over. Hugz!

  3. Those are wonderful tears. Did you know that if you conceive twins, that if you get pregnant again you have about a 33% higher chance of having multiples again? That is without using ART. My doctor told us that when we were trying to get pregnant again after the twins. My husband almost sh*t a brick!

    I can't believe how close your number are this time to the last time you were pregnant. How consistent is THAT? I've never had beta numbers act in any predictable fashion whatsoever. I'm so jealous :)

  4. I wish you only the best and I'll chat later with you.

  5. OMG. That is insane! So excited for you!


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