My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Mixed reviews

This appointment was supposed to make me feel all better and prove what a silly git I am for panicking.

It didn't.

I still have the clot that was the cause (or result?) of my bleeding last week.  It seems to be stable and not getting any worse, so, yay?

These kids are really far apart in there.  Gives me hope that they are fraternal.  My girls were right on top of each other from the very beginning.

So the doctor started by focusing on the one that was easiest to see.  And it's measuring a few days behind.  The largest measurement we got was 6 weeks 2 days (I should be 6 weeks 5 day) and she measured several times.

The other one was really difficult to see.  I guess it's just really far up there so the ultrasound waves have to travel farther making the image fuzzier.  As she was trying to get a good look, there were some fear moments that maybe it was just the sac and there was no baby inside.  But she did eventually find it and confirm a heartbeat.

Both have heartbeats.  No, I don't know what the rate is.  I'll probably get details like that when the nurse calls me later and I'm in a better frame of mind to ask questions.

But what scares me is that we're in "wait and see" mode.  I said "so it's not time to start celebrating yet?" and she replied "I'd hold off a little bit".  Fuck.

Everything was so perfect with the girls, just absolutely textbook, that anything less feels insurmountable.  This time there's spotting, a few days behind in growth, clots.  How on earth am I supposed to have any faith that this is going to work out ok when absolutely perfect went to shit?

9 comments:

  1. Well that just sucks. I'm going to keep hope that it goes in the positive direction.

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  2. I'm sure this doesn't help, but try not to stress too much, hon. My babies - fraternal g/b - both measured slightly behind at my first u/s (which was 7w on the nose). By the 9w u/s, they were both measuring ahead, and they stayed that way (4 days ahead and 5 days ahead, respectively) the rest of my pregnancy.

    I'm thrilled for you that they're fraternal, removing any fears of TTTS or other identical twin complications. I'll hold out hope over here that your clot resolves, both beans grow-grow-grow and everything will be fine in the end!

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  3. Shit. At my first u/s with my last one, he measured 5 days behind in size and my doctor said it is perfectly normal to be off because its not an exact science, even if you know the date of conception, which you know.

    When I had Owen at 21w4days, he was measuring 23 wks so I wouldn't put too much stock in that. I think any doctor that has your chart, is going to be cautious about telling you to celebrate.

    As all loss mamas know, you don't celebrate until that baby is home with you. Be easy about this because regardless if you stress or don't, the outcome could be the same exact thing.

    I am hopeful it will be okay.

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  4. I would like to give that nurse a swift kick in the butt. I wouldn't be dancing in the aisles either, but it also isn't a reason to be fearful. It is almost impossible for them to get an exact measurement on fetuses that small, so you have to put a margine of error in there. Also, it isn't a bit bad for fraternal twins to be off by a few days, especially since they don't implant on the same day most of the time. As for the clot, if it isn't doing anything, your body will most likely absorb it within a week or so. So, maybe no dancing yet...but no freaking out either. I had a HUGE bleed with my twins right before my first appointment with my OB, and it turned out ok. Hang in there, two heartbeats is a GREAT thing. :)

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  5. Okay so I will admit that I am envious of your perfect do-over...and I am rooting for those beans with every fiber of my heart. Like the previous posters said, remind yourself that u/s is so far from exact this early. Try and focus on the good: two heartbeats, babies well separated so they won't be kick boxing for awhile, clot is not worse and nothing else bad. It sucks to have wishy washy answers, but the truth is they just don't know anything at this point, it's too early. There are lots of us lurking out here who are rooting for you big time.

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  6. I agree with Tania
    "Be easy about this because regardless if you stress or don't, the outcome could be the same exact thing."
    However, I know that doesn't help you any. Being a loss mama is hard even when everything is perfect...bumps in the road don't help your nerves.
    You are in my thoughts.
    Carolyn

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  7. It's impossible not to stress after a loss. I wish everything goes well and you bring home the babies this time. You truly deserve that.

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  8. From the point of view as a medical professional; we cannot say that everything will be fine. We just can't. Because even if everything looks PERFECT, but something unexpected happen, the patient or their family can come back at us. I'm so that with that on her shoulders, and knowing your history, mostly she was trying to CYA. I know it's not the most comforting, but I'm sure she wasn't trying to be cruel. It does sound like you got some good news though! Two heartbeats, kiddos setting up house far apart. I agree with other folks that the clot will most likely be reabsorbed into your body, and that reading fetal growth is an approximation. Sending lots of good thoughts your way!

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