My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Schrodinger Babies

For those of you Big Bang Theory enthusiasts, you're probably aware of Schrodinger's cat.  But for those who don't watch nerdy sitcoms, the best explanation I've found is at http://physicsworld.com/cws/article/news/2815 and it goes like this:
In his original thought experiment, Schrodinger imagined that a cat is locked in a box, along with a radioactive atom that is connected to a vial containing a deadly poison. If the atom decays, it causes the vial to smash and the cat to be killed. When the box is closed we do not know if the atom has decayed or not, which means that it can be in both the decayed state and the non-decayed state at the same time. Therefore, the cat is both dead and alive at the same time - which clearly does not happen in classical physics.
So in theory, the cat is both dead and alive at the same time.  The only way to determine which is true and which is false, you must open the box, thus ending the experiment.

Every day that I'm not looking at an ultrasound, I feel like that's what's going on in my belly.  And about an hour after an ultrasound is done, whatever truth was determined becomes theory again and we're back in Schrodinger land.

Every moment that I feel halfway decent, I feel like it must mean all my symptoms are gone and thus I'm doomed.  So while barfing wasn't entirely pleasant Thanksgiving morning (that's the only barf so far, made it through dinner just fine), at least it was a symptom escalation which gave me some security.  But since then, I'm pretty much ok.  A little tired.  The occasional queasy but it's not very often.  Still have a firm belly under a squishy layer of fat.

All in all, I'd rather be barfing.

5 comments:

  1. I am sure this is scary. I know I am going to be BUT if you continue worrying this much, that isn't good. It is going to make the situation so much worse and 9 months is a really long time to worry like this!!

    Just be easy and keep a positive attitude. I am glad you only barfed once because constantly being sick is not good.

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  2. Yeah, I had enough of Schrodinger in college, between my philosophy and physics class it was everywhere! There were a bunch of students who walked around with home made T shirts with a box and the line 'the cat is dead'.

    You're not alone. I'm trying to stick with the 'the baby is alive until proven otherwise' theory, but it isn't easy. You should be able to pick up their heartbeats on doppler pretty soon, 10 weeks, right? Then you could always listen in. (if you are willing to invest in the doppler).

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  3. Wow, that is the perfect explanation for what that feels like. We felt that way with our first pregnancy, never imagining those feelings would be perfectly justified in the near future. I was always convinced that any time my pregnancy symptoms let up - say, the excrutiating sore boobs stopped hurting for a day - it meant miscarriage was nigh. Of course, I'd never go more than 24 hours sans symptoms, and they always returned worse than before. It's sick to relish that worsened pain or whatever, but totally understandable, especially in our new, shitty alternate reality where babies actually do die.

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  4. Hey I just cought up on all the posts from the past few days. That is a perfect way to explain how you feel. I am sorry you are feeling so anxious. Hang in there. Hugz!

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  5. As a BIG fan of Big Bang, this made my morning :)

    Of course now if I ever get pregnant I know this is how I'm going to feel now...

    I know it's not your nature, but TRY to go with the "Innocent until proven guilty" complex... "Everything is fine until proven otherwise."

    Ya, ya, easier said then done... so shoot me.

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