My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Sunday, October 30, 2011


Had an early dinner with K last night.  He was stuck at work for an extra long day due to scheduling snafus so I went up to his workplace to take him to a long "lunch" near dinner time.  And the whole time, I was saying "I have no proof, but I'm 99% sure I'm pregnant."

Why did I think this?  Because of all the activity going on in my abdomen.  Because I'm actually getting HUNGRY instead of just kinda wanting a snack.  Cuz I'm dreaming like crazy every night instead of the one dream per week that's average for me.

On the way home, I was in a really good mood.  At a red light I was totally rocking out to something on the radio.  And 20 minutes later as I took my freeway exit near home, I started crying imagining looking at my first ultrasound and whether or not it will have 1 or 2 Maybies in it.  That's some major mood swing action so I knew that when I made it home, I had to pee on a stick.

Being only 4dp5dt, I expected to see nothing of course.

Now, I realize that the second lines are very faint, especially since they don't want to show up on camera, but they're there.  I had peed on a few earlier, including the morning of transfer to ensure that this is NOT the trigger shot leftovers.  Nope, that has completely cleared from my system so the only possible source of any HCG right now is my little Maybies.  And I really am thinking that it might be twins again.  It showed up on day 4 for crying out loud!  And every cramp and pull that I'm having is either the lower left or the upper right, the same locations as those 2 really strong, potentially implantation twinges.  But never in the upper left or lower right.

I really thought that I would get upset at seeing my BFP, but I didn't.  Guys, I'm having emotions almost as if I'm completely naive of what could happen.  K is not and he really kind of pissed me off last night by not getting all excited with me.  I am afraid that this pregnancy will last no more than a day or two before fading away, so I guess I'm trying to enjoy it for the few moments that I have it.

Here's my freakout list -

  • I peed again this morning and while the faint, faint line is still there, it's even fainter.  Is it going away????  Is it a chemical pregnancy and I'm going to be back in the IF/MC club next week??
  • A line showed up on day 4, just how many are in there kicking out HCG anyway????  I had an embryo split last time to create 2 babies and we transferred 2 perfect embryos this time.  Am I going to have to some horrible decisions to make when we can finally count how many may have split and stuck?
  • Am I jinxing things by saying this out loud and actually being happy about it?
Okey dokey.  So.  At the moment, for at least this moment, I'm knocked up!

The starter pistol has sounded, I'm officially running towards the finish line.  But wow are there a lot of hurdles between here and there.  The first hurdle - still being pregnant when I do my beta test on Thursday, Nov 3rd. In other words, determining that this pregnancy is real and not a chemical pregnancy.

I'm fully expecting to lose a few followers this week.  I tend to stop reading IF blogs that become pregnancy blogs so if that's how you feel, I totally understand.  I hope you'll come back and join me again when you're on your own track towards graduation.  And if you see me back on the ICLW list on the Stirrup Queens website in the future, it will mean that this is no longer a pregnancy blog and has returned to being an IF/MC blog and it's safe to read me again.  I don't intend to participate while pregnant, that just seems rude.


  1. I knew it would work :)!!!!
    Now for the love of all things good in this world-please let your journey be horribly boring and NORMAL this time!

  2. Oh Alex! I'm so excited for you!! Do you get your HCG monitored by the clinic for a while?

  3. Yippee!!! I hear ya on the freak outs, with my girls I had a fluctuation the first few days of darkness on the lines. I had a positive that early as well. I'm excited for you. Can't wait for thursday's beta.


  4. I'm choosing to think happy, positive thoughts for you instead of the "what ifs" or "jinxes." What's the latest?!

    (Oh, and according to the Captcha image, you need to consider "Flave" as a potential baby name!)

  5. I'm so excited for you. I really hope this one sticks. I'll keep following you whichever way mine goes. Good Luck!

  6. Congratulations!!!!
    I'm really thrilled that you are in an optimistic headspace about this. Hopefully that lasts for a good long while! Being excited is GOOD!
    You wont lose me :) If anything now we REALLY need to get together so we can celebrate!

  7. I can definitely see those second lines! And my eyesight isn't the best. WOOOOT!!!! A great first step! :) Congrats!!!!

  8. Yay!!!!!

    And don't worry, those internet cheapies are never that reliable when it comes to their relative darkness.

    Double yay!!!!

  9. WOW! That's amazing. So excited for you! xoxo


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