There goes my diet

I've never been a healthy eater.  I just don't crave healthy foods or have the patience to prepare them.

That all changed when I was pregnant.  Suddenly I wanted cottage cheese, fruit, massive amounts of veggies, and processed snack foods became disgusting.

All through the pregnancy, I had hoped that my changed tastebuds would stay changed for at least a few years to come.  That eating healthy would become a new habit that I wouldn't break.  I just naturally craved and understood what I should eat and how to balance my diet. 

When we went to the consult for the diabetes, I was so scared that my new natural balanced diet wouldn't be enough.  I'd have to actually learn how to eat instead of just naturally balancing food without thought.  So it was a major relief when they looked over my food logs, and my glucose numbers and said all was well.  I wasn't imagining it, I really had figured out how to eat healthy, and my girls did that for me, I didn't have to put any effort into the learning of it.

But as soon as I got out of surgery, I was hungry.  I had been hungry all through the ordeal but not allowed to eat as they had to keep my stomach empty in preparation for the surgery.  So after the initial vital checks upon waking, I was told I could eat and had no diet restrictions.  And the first thing I could think of that I might be able to stomach was hostess ho-hos.  An immediate clue that I wasn't pregnant anymore.

I'm having trouble eating.  Partially due to just feeling gutted and a little nauseous and partially due to, I dunno, it's just hard to eat when you're sad.  The first few days, I was subsisting on the gift basket that some relatives had dropped by.  It had some sugar cookies, candied mango, a few other sweets.  I tried to cook up one of the soup mixes and put some of the ham in it, but didn't find that appealing once it was made.  K picked up a box of ho-hos.

We're trying to find comfort foods that I can eat despite feeling sick at the thought of eating.  Stuffing, mashed potatoes, sneaking some cheese into the potatoes for protein.  I'm making an effort to eat actual food and not just fat woman food.  But it's hard to stomach.

K is cooking dinners or coming home with small things like some chinese food from the grocery store deli.  And it's an effort to eat them.  About 3 bites in, my stomach isn't rumbling anymore and I just can't make myself eat another bite.  Can only stand to put enough into my body to make my stomach stop aching and once I hit that, nothing more.  I've even had the fork up to my mouth with another bite and put it back down knowing I was done.

I can stand to drink so I'm trying to drink some milk.  Just to get something substantial in my system.  K picked up some of those breakfast drink mixes so I'll give that a go tomorrow.  Even water tastes rancid but I'm able to drink it anyway.

But protein, fruits, and veggies are once again gross and I feel like I can only tolerate non-nutrition snack foods again, just like before.

I saw the scale hit 245 today.  I know it's pathetic but I haven't seen it below 250 in years.  In the last 10 days, I've seen my weight hit 260 before it all started, 265 immediately after getting home, and now dropping to 245.

I suspect once I'm able to eat again, 10 pounds will probably pack back on immediately.  Too bad I know this weight loss is temporary.  I could really use a good head start on getting in shape once I have the doctors go ahead to engage in some activity.  Wish I could remember what it's like to want healthy, weight loss type foods in a balanced diet.  That was quite a perk of being pregnant.