My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Monday, December 27, 2010

I Put on Pants for Christmas

Silly the things that matter when you're upset.

It was 2 days before this started that I finally had to give up on buttoning my normal jeans.  I remember getting dressed and pouting at K that it's official, I've outgrown my jeans.  I could button them if I really wanted to, but nope, maternity pants and belly bands from here on out.

2 days.

About a month ago I cleared my closet of all of my smaller clothes.  Since I'm a fat woman anyway, most of my clothing is loose and flowy in the stomach area.  But I cleared out anything that had any cling to it.  And since that cleared out most of my long sleeved shirts, I was planning on a little maternity shirt shopping spree after the holiday season cuz it's a little chilly around here to be wearing short sleeves.

I don't want to wear any of my pregnancy clothes.  Fortunately I only had 1 shirt that I bought specifically for the pregnancy.  So I have a set of pajamas that have a nursing top, a nursing/maternity sleeping bra, a package of 3 pairs of maternity underwear, 1 pair of elastic paneled maternity pants, a belly band, and that one shirt.

The jammies and bra haven't really been used at all.  Still tucked in a bottom drawer cuz I just hadn't busted them out yet.  That's the drawer of stuff I never wear (bathing suits, undergarments for formal wear, that kind fo thing) so I can just leave them there and not have to look at them.  Will still need to buy new underwear.  I bought the maternity pack of three because it's just getting to be that time again in the lifespan of my undies, the holes are starting and I needed to replace them.  I bought a package of undies at the drug store the other day so I can throw away the maternity undies.  I tossed the maternity jeans and that one top into the back room and closed the door when they came out of the laundry.

It's "the back room" again.  It had started to be called "the babies room".

I don't know where the belly band is.  I'm sure I'll run across it at some point and hopefully I'll be in zombie mode rather than affectable mode and can just toss it in that room when I do find it without too much grief.

But back to putting on pants.  Something I was afraid of.  What size am I now?  Am I still going to be too big for my regular jeans?  What if I have no choice but to wear my maternity jeans so I can leave the house?  What if they do fit and I have to admit I don't have pregnant belly anymore?

But it was Christmas day.  And K and I had been staring at each other and rambling around the house for days.  And it was hard enough to try to figure out what to eat from all of the pregnancy food in the fridge.  I was actually kind of hungry for a change.  So we called my parents and told them we were going to give it a go at being in public by getting some lunch at the local 24 hour 365 days type of restaurant and would they care to join us.

And I couldn't go to a restaurant in my jammies.

I opted for a pair of jeans that weren't my "a little too large most of the time, but worked really well when I was first pregnant" jeans.  Regular size.  And they fit.  And I cried.  It wouldn't have mattered.  I probably would have cried all the same if they hadn't fit.

Weight after failed IVF attempt last spring - 266
Weight during successful IVF/beginning of pregnancy in August/September - 252
Weight at the doctors office the day before I started labor - 260
Weight when I got home from the hospital - 265 (they pumped a lot of fluids into me)
Weight 48 hours after surgery - 255

1 comment:

  1. I lost my twins as well at 18 weeks 5 days. I had the exact same thing happen when I put my jean capris on 3 days later and I could actually button them. I bawled my eyes out. This is my first time reading your blog and I'm catching up on your story. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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