My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Temporary Club

When you find yourself in the infertility club, it's very common to feel all alone.  So we seek out other bloggers and people in general who are going through the same thing.  We start to get to know each others stories, we put their blogs in our subscription lists so we can follow along with the struggles of someone else who is struggling just like we are, we narrow our subscriptions down to the people that we like, that seem most like us, that we find entertaining.

Then, what inevitably happens?  The bitch graduates.

And here we are, passing on our "congrats!" and "OMG I'm so happy for you!" when what we're really thinking is "Fuck, she won, I'm still a loser, and I'm stuck, left behind, still alone in this fucking club." 

And then those thoughts move on to "Oh shit, am I the old pro now???  Crap, am I becoming one of those people who has years of this shit under her belt?  NOOOOOOO!!!!!  I want to be the scared newbie, reaching out to others for their expertise and advice!  I was supposed to graduate before I become knowledgeable enough to be an old pro dispensing advice!"

To every graduating bitch - congratulations.  Seriously, in my heart, I'm really happy for you.  And right next to that feeling in my heart is another feeling of fuck you for leaving me behind to wallow in this club without you.

And when it's my turn, I will gladly accept every "fuck you" that ends up in my mailbox.  You won't hurt my feelings one bit.


  1. I, for one, will only be sending tons of congratulations. But I totally get, appreciate, and respect the feeling. I've been there many, many, many times.

    Thinking of you today.


  2. I just quit reading a blog...perhaps the one that spurred your was just to hard. SO happy for her...which makes my pain that much bigger. I'm sure I will check in on her...but can't do the daily read anymore

  3. Ha- you certainly caught my feelings yet again with todays post. Yes, we are happy for the now preggos, but my middle finger is violently waving at the universe.

  4. He he hee he :) You crack me up, lady. :) Never were there truer words written.

    You can give me the finger anytime, although I have certainly done this enough to be an 'old pro'.


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