Well, it's coming up on that time. That time when I start thinking in terms of "one year ago today...."
I never wanted to be years into this journey. I really didn't. I figured that after over 4 years of trying naturally, then finding out we were good candidates for IVF, well, I thought I was gonna be one of the lucky ones. I started the fertility treatments when I was nearing the end of age 34. It really never occurred to me that I would find myself well into age 36 still prepped at the starting line, waiting for the pistol to shoot. But here I am. Butt in the air, feet ready to launch, hands on the track, and the pistol still ain't shooting.
And at the start of this journey, we had a false start. That first IVF attempt was stopped just before egg retrieval because of a hormone surge. I was arrogant enough to believe that that was it. That was our challenge. That was going to be the extent of our troubles along this journey.
And when the second attempt resulted in twins and extra embryos, oh boy did my arrogance soar! We had a false start, and to make up for it, the universe was giving me twins, woot!
You can see the arrogance simply in the title of this blog. I never bothered to write about the infertility part of it (other than a basic recap at the beginning of the blog) and instead, I had intended to become a mommy blogger. Blogging about the daily life of raising twins, starting from the very, very beginning of pregnancy.
Here I am, coming up on the one year anniversary of the creation of my girls. Aug 25th was egg retrieval and embryo creation day. Aug 30th was transfer day. A year ago, progress was being made. The pistol was firing and my feet were launching my body off of those starting blocks.
And now, I've been smacked by the officials for my arrogance that the race was ready to be run and told to get my butt back in those starting blocks. I really wanted to be jumping over a hurdle or two by now. To at least be a few steps closer to the finish line. But no. Not my destiny.
If I'm still poised here at the end of December, the anniversary of losing my girls, well, that's a blog post I hope I don't have to write.