My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Friday, August 12, 2011

I didn't want smaller pants

On my way home today, I stopped at Payless to grab a new pair of shoes.  I've pretty much worn through my current pair and we gotta replace those things every so often!

Next door was a plus sized store.  Checked through my little entertainment coupon book to see if I had a coupon for that store, and yup I did.

I have a full supply of jeans that I've purchased over the years, all the same size.  A while ago, I gave away my smaller sized clothes because someone was in need, and I hadn't been able to wear them in a couple of years.  I held on to 2 pairs of those smaller jeans, just in case, but honestly never expected to wear them again.

And then the year of loss began.  At the beginning of last summer, I was 266lbs.  I lost about 15lbs before getting pregnant, and never got fully back up to the 266 again.  Then of course I was suddenly unpregnant and lost a few more pounds in those weeks when I couldn't stand to eat.  And then this most recent whoosh of weight loss from the super diet from hell.

All in all, I'm almost 30lbs lighter than I was a year ago.  I've been wearing my big pants when working in the pottery studio (because they're gonna get muddy and don't need to fit right), and I've been wearing those 2 other pairs of jeans out in public.

But now those two pairs of jeans are starting to sag.  My skinny jeans are officially too big for me.  So I bit the bullet, shopped for a new pair of jeans, a pair that actually fits so I can go to a restaurant with my parents without feeling like a complete schlub.

But you know what?  While it might seem really thrilling to be forced to buy new pants because you've gotten smaller, it really sucks for me.  If all goes according to plan, I'm going to lose another 8lbs (thus really needing the new pants for a month or so) and then immediately start growing again.  We're not in a good financial place, so spending money on pants that I want to outgrow in 2-3 months is yet another exercise in seeing how much guilt I can lay on myself.

I don't want smaller pants.  I want elastic pants.

I guess, on the upside, I have a full wardrobe for pregnancy.  Start out filling out the skinny jeans, then upgrade to my normal jeans, then wearing that pair of jeans that was always too big for me, and finally, in the last glorious month, into the actual elastic front maternity jeans that I own.

Man, even accomplishing stuff I've been desperate to accomplish my whole life (losing weight) SUCKS when battling infertility.

1 comment:

  1. Me neither :( I was hoping that the next time I needed to go shopping it would be for maternity clothes. Thinking of you.


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