My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The cycle turns

*This is one of those TMI posts that family and the squeamish might prefer to just skip over*

Well, it's that time again.  That lovely confirmation that I'm no closer to what I want in life. 

And this month, it doesn't mark a damned thing.  Nope, not a cycle start and the beginning of a new try, just nothing.

Why you ask?  Well because I failed an FET at the end of June.  I had a random mini cycle in mid July that didn't make any sense because it was too soon.  But what the hell, we went with it anyway.  And then that cycle had to be stopped.  So now I'm bleeding from stopping that cycle.  Which means in the last 30 days or so, I've had 3 periods of varying strengths.

Kind of liked it better during my 20's when I was lucky to bleed 3 times a year.  This three times a month thing sucks.

So obviously I'm not going to do anything with this cycle.  The body needs to recalibrate from all of the weirdly induced periods and massive dieting. 

Reasonable diet starts up in a couple of days.

*Ok, massive TMI time*

Ok girls, I just gotta get this out because I feel like I'm totally overreacting and maybe making life more difficult on myself than it needs to be.  Ready?  Ok, here we go...

I haven't been able to use a tampon since I lost the girls.  The whole concept of feeling something being held in that canal, and feeling like I have to brace myself if I cough to make sure I don't push it's all just to reminiscent of trying to hold my girls sac in the canal during the miscarriage.  So I've been padding it and just using the bathroom a lot to keep myself relatively clean.  Am I just insane?


  1. Diet and stress...especially stress can effect periods.
    As for the tampon issue, it sounds perfectly logical to feel that way. At least to me it does.

  2. The tampon thing sounds logical to me, too.

    You need some time off of the ttc wheel. Time to heal, time to relax, time to go on a bender if you want ;) (After I was told that I had to take over a year off of treatments to have an operation that could render me sterile, I got totally blotto, the drunkest I've ever been in my life. I paid for it, but at the time, totally worth it) I hope you follow through with your memorial pottery idea. I think it's a good one!

    If you do decide to tie one on, have one on me. Thinking of you...CP

  3. You're not insane at all. I've not experienced what you went through, and I still have had a hard time using tampons after my miscarriages -- something just doesn't feel right. I've also read some scary stuff about the chemicals used in tampons that made me just feel better about using pads. They are kinda gross, but you do what you gotta do!

  4. That sounds pretty normal to me... It might take a while before wanting to use tampons again (or any intra-vaginal period thing, like a diva cup), if you ever do.

  5. No not one bit! I think it's very normal to feel uncomfortable about something that might remind you of an painful time in your life. Our brains have those protective mechanisms for a reason.

    Sending lovies, and {{{HUGS}}}


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