Clarifying the weight issue

Ok, I'm not sure I've explained exactly why my weight is an issue.

When I did my IVF a year ago, my clinic was attached to a hospital.  So the egg retrievals for fat girls were done in the hospital, NOT the IVF office.  It cost extra, but at least it could happen.

Now that my clinic has merged with another clinic (merged is the wrong word, I think smothered by would be more accurate), they are no longer connected to the hospital.  At least not until the bureaucracies are ironed out.  So they don't have hospital facilities to perform the procedure when the patient is over a certain BMI and has higher risk factors of being under anesthesia.  According to the icy bitch anesthesiologist, if something were to go wrong, they couldn't deal with it, they would have to call 911.  Of course, that really makes me wonder if they should be doing anesthesia on ANYONE if they don't have the capabilities of dealing with it when it goes wrong.  But I digress.

So yes, there is a perfectly logical reason behind this. 

Do I give a shit about that perfectly logical reason?  Hell no!

They set a cut off point.  Is it determined patient by patient?  Nope.  Just a cut off point across the board.  For you see, if it was determined on a patient by patient basis, they would see that I've had this procedure before, when I was bigger, and they can see exactly how much anesthesia was used, how I personally responded to it, etc etc.  So there would be some wiggle room for a judgment call to be made.  I don't see how 5lbs would really change my odds of dieing or enduring brain damage under anesthesia.

But bureaucracies don't function on individual needs and circumstances.  It's all about numbers. 

Oh, did I mention that my doctor confirmed that this clinic is now indeed owned by a parent company who answers to their shareholders rather than pure medical facility?

Yeah.

So honestly, I really do see the validity to their argument.  To a point.

I also see a facility that advertises on the radio.  And that must have success rate numbers that are competitive with neighboring facilities.  And that yes, big girls do carry extra risk factors in terms of miscarriage, and other undesirable outcomes.  And those undesirable outcomes affect success rate statistics that make them competitive.  Don't treat the harder cases, don't have those failures on your record bringing down your numbers.

So yes, they have a point.  They also have a very strong motivation to stick to their numbers very rigidly rather than consider the circumstances and use that wiggle room to treat those of us who are more difficult to treat.

Whatever the reasons, whatever the validity, it still boils down to I'm too fat to be a mom.  I've been judged for a lot of things, but that one really hurts.

My doctor at the clinic is really fighting to get that connection to the hospital put back in place.  We were hoping the papers would be signed last week but negotiations are still hammering out.  I'm told that it's kind of slower than expected because it's summer.  Key players that need to sign papers go on vacations at different times during the summer so it's difficult to get them all around the same table at the same time.

And all I can think about today is that maybe my girls were the only chance at a family that I'll ever get.  One thing after another is costing me a month here, a month there.  I really miss my girls.