My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Stop the insanity

I have a confession to make.  The last few days, I've been doing the infertility dance of stupidity.

Here's the deal.  After my FET, I had a period.  2 weeks later, I had another one and we started BCP in hopes of moving forward with a fresh IVF cycle.  And two weeks into that, we stopped the IVF cycle, went of BCP and had yet another period.  Yes, that's three, count them three periods over a 4-5 week time frame.

At the end of that period, the hubs and I did what husbands and wives do.  And a week later, I had some very faint pink tinge on my toilet paper.

And all I could think was "implantation bleeding?"  That was 3 or 4 days ago.  Guess what I've been doing the past 3 mornings!

Ok.  The rational person in me says "I'm being really stupid here".  I mean seriously, the timing of the deed was at the tail end of a period, so wrong time of the month under normal person circumstances.  I don't ovulate anyway so the odds of me ovulating when my body has been put through so much crap for the last three months, yeah, no way I would have actually ovulated.  And hubby's contribution doesn't do its job either.  So that's three reasons why it would be absolutely impossible for us to get an accidental freebie.  Wrong timing, wrong female, wrong male.

But like every other infertility female out there, I'm imagining all sorts of symptoms.  Like a mild cramp across my uterus.  The fact that my nose has been really stuffy the last couple of days.  And I just got a McDonalds cheeseburger and after 2 bites, I went "blech" and gave it to the hubby (my tastebuds suddenly hated all processed foods when I was pregnant before).

All sticks confirm that I'm out of my mind.  But this is also why I bought the cheapies in bulk.  I'll probably go through another half dozen or so in the next week and absolutely confirm that my imagination is my worst enemy.

And as stupid as I know I'm being, I have a hunch I'm not the first to do this dance, and I won't be the last.  What kind of infertility dances of stupidity have you guys done?


  1. After we got our dx of severe male factor, I knew we could never get pregnant the old fashioned way. But hubby wasn't convinced. We were still young and childfree, and had lots of friends getting married and whatnot, so lots of parties of sorts to attend. Before every one he would have me pee on a stick, just to be on the safe side. It drove me crazy! I knew I wasn't knocked up, and looking at those negative pee sticks depressed the hell out of me. And he wonders why I would drink like a fish at whatever party we were at ;)

  2. In my personal experience, every single time (minus 1) I folded and POAS-my period started within an hour. That 1 time I POAS b/c at 5 days late I was insane--although it was "impossible" my infertile brain would.not.shut.up. It was so bad I couldn't do my job. I was fighting with myself. I couldn't slwpp-but I KNEW I couldn't be pregnant. I actually went out, got the tests and went back to work and took it. Thinking that It would start my period as it had every single solitary time (not even exaggerating)-then my weekend wouldn't be so bad (light day by then). Of course, I freaked out hysterical and couldn't work when it was positive (which sadly ended in m/c around the time yours did)
    I remember those 5 days of insanity well.
    I know this isn't going to help you-but my eyebrows have raised several times recently reading about your periods. i even thought that your next post (back then) will be about the surprise of your life. I am hoping your next post IS that.


Please share your thoughts! It makes me feel like I have friends.