We all hear the rude comments. We all wish we had just the right come back in mind when those comments are said to us.
So now, I present to you:
The Growing list of Snarky Comebacks!
You tell me a comment (email me or in the comments of this post) you heard that you want a really snarky comeback for and I'll write you that comeback. You score 5 internet points for every comeback that you actually have the balls to say in person! Check back often for more comments and comebacks! I'll get us started.
Have you ever thought about adopting?
Comeback 1) OMG! You mean that's actually an option???? My life problems are solved! Thank the heavens you thought of that!
Comeback 2) I called Babies R Us, but they were out of stock this month.
Comeback 3) You mean people actually give away children that they don't want? I can't believe I wasn't given away before I hit the age of 3!
Just relax and it will happen.
Comeback 1) I can not believe that my team of doctors who went to medical school for a decade and has been studying how to make babies for several more decades never recommended that. I don't know why they would open a fertility clinic if they could have just been giving out massages all this time for the same results.
It's all a part of God's plan.
Comeback 1) Any god that would drain the resources of someone who wants to provide for a child while giving a child to people like the cast of Teen Mom, that my friend, is one sick son of a bitch!
Comeback 2) Apparently the plan is to ensure that every human being experiences a whole lot of misery.
Comeback 3) Anyone who would mastermind this kind of misery sounds like those abusers on Jerry Springer with a bunch of bitches whining "But I luuuuuuuurrrves hee-um!"
Comeback 4) Thank you. I'm officially converted to Atheism now.
Just have more sex!
Comeback 1) You are so right. I'm such a prude.
Comeback 2) Is that an offer?
You've been married a while now, shouldn't you be having children already? Tick Tock you know!
Comeback 1) How far up does your tampon go? Oh, I'm sorry. I had assumed by your question about my plans for my crotch that all crotches were appropriate dinner conversation.
Comeback 2) Well, so far, I've had 2 dead babies, 3 embryos that didn't take, 1 embryo sitting in a freezer, and my body is currently being injected with hormones on a daily basis to create more embryos and potentially more pregnancies. But I'll see what I can do to hurry things up for you!
*Courtesy of Eggsinarow* Are you guys thinking about kids? It's pretty much time!
Comeback 1 as provided by EIAR) No, we can't. We have white carpeting, and clean up is a bitch.
Well, maybe your miscarriage was a blessing in disguise.
Comeback 1) Scariest Halloween disguise EVER!
Comeback 2) Very true. Nothing says "blessed" like a dead baby. Oh wait, I have 2! Lucky, lucky me!
Get over it already! It happens to a lot of people.
Comeback 1) So does cancer. I really wish those bald whiners would shut the hell up already!
So sound off in the comments everyone. What is your most hated yet common line? We'll keep populating this list until it's huge!