We all hear the rude comments. We all wish we had just the right come back in mind when those comments are said to us.
So now, I present to you:
The Growing list of Snarky Comebacks!
You tell me a comment (email me or in the comments of this post) you heard that you want a really snarky comeback for and I'll write you that comeback. You score 5 internet points for every comeback that you actually have the balls to say in person! Check back often for more comments and comebacks! I'll get us started.
Have you ever thought about adopting?
Comeback 1) OMG! You mean that's actually an option???? My life problems are solved! Thank the heavens you thought of that!
Comeback 2) I called Babies R Us, but they were out of stock this month.
Comeback 3) You mean people actually give away children that they don't want? I can't believe I wasn't given away before I hit the age of 3!
Just relax and it will happen.
Comeback 1) I can not believe that my team of doctors who went to medical school for a decade and has been studying how to make babies for several more decades never recommended that. I don't know why they would open a fertility clinic if they could have just been giving out massages all this time for the same results.
It's all a part of God's plan.
Comeback 1) Any god that would drain the resources of someone who wants to provide for a child while giving a child to people like the cast of Teen Mom, that my friend, is one sick son of a bitch!
Comeback 2) Apparently the plan is to ensure that every human being experiences a whole lot of misery.
Comeback 3) Anyone who would mastermind this kind of misery sounds like those abusers on Jerry Springer with a bunch of bitches whining "But I luuuuuuuurrrves hee-um!"
Comeback 4) Thank you. I'm officially converted to Atheism now.
Just have more sex!
Comeback 1) You are so right. I'm such a prude.
Comeback 2) Is that an offer?
You've been married a while now, shouldn't you be having children already? Tick Tock you know!
Comeback 1) How far up does your tampon go? Oh, I'm sorry. I had assumed by your question about my plans for my crotch that all crotches were appropriate dinner conversation.
Comeback 2) Well, so far, I've had 2 dead babies, 3 embryos that didn't take, 1 embryo sitting in a freezer, and my body is currently being injected with hormones on a daily basis to create more embryos and potentially more pregnancies. But I'll see what I can do to hurry things up for you!
*Courtesy of Eggsinarow* Are you guys thinking about kids? It's pretty much time!
Comeback 1 as provided by EIAR) No, we can't. We have white carpeting, and clean up is a bitch.
Well, maybe your miscarriage was a blessing in disguise.
Comeback 1) Scariest Halloween disguise EVER!
Comeback 2) Very true. Nothing says "blessed" like a dead baby. Oh wait, I have 2! Lucky, lucky me!
Get over it already! It happens to a lot of people.
Comeback 1) So does cancer. I really wish those bald whiners would shut the hell up already!
So sound off in the comments everyone. What is your most hated yet common line? We'll keep populating this list until it's huge!
...and this is why I LOVE reading your blog. You are fucking funny. My own personal "let shit fly" moment came when my nosy aunt asked me why we don't just hurry up & have #2 yet (#1 took us 2 m/c & 3 years to have). I responded with, "We've been trying for over 4 years now & have had 3 m/c. The last of which was in week 12, the day before we were going to announce our pg and I'm still mourning that one since my due date is in Oct, but thanks for reminding me. I had forgotten to obsess over it for 5 minutes!"
ReplyDeleteI just mastered the arched eyebrow and air of disgust. Children? you have to be kidding...little germ carriers :) No one pesters you about kids if they think you hate them.
ReplyDeleteI just don't answer when ppl ask us. If I can I pretend I didn't hear them or I'll turn and ask someone else something quickly so they think I was distracted and didn't hear. Otherwise I just say I don't know when we'll have kids or that I don't know why we haven't had kids yet. It's true no one knows...
ReplyDeleteLOL. Nice!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite is - You should just go on vacation. It worked for us!
Oh, and also, "it's all part of god's plan"
OMFG my favorite is 'nothing says "blessed" like a dead baby'. wish I had the guts to say that when I was told 'its all part of God's plan'. You make me laugh about it, at any rate.
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI read the last one to my husband. TOO. FUNNY!
I never never never get enough of snarky comebacks to insensative IF comments! Thanks for the laugh:)
ReplyDeleteThis is one I read somewhere and I use occasionally: When people say, "Are you guys thinking about kids? It's pretty much time!" I say, "No, we can't. We have white carpeting, and clean up is a bitch."
ReplyDeleteAnd then I just walk away, leaving them confused.
LOL...Great post! I wish I could think of some right now. My new favorite comment is, "I will be easier the second time around."
ReplyDeleteWe needed and egg donor to conceive, what makes it easier the second time around? The fact that you are going to give me 30K for another one?
I am giggling aloud at these. Thank you. I, too, love the "go on vacation, it worked for us" one. The response I'd love to give, which isn't that unique, is "tried that and we got pregnant and then the fetus died. Not gonna try that again."
ReplyDeleteI also love the "just stop thinking about it and it'll happen." Who has a snarky response for that little fucker of a question????