My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Hubby coming back to bed

Yay!!!!  It's been about a week since I've had K in bed with me.

He's had a minor cold and we decided to try to prevent me from getting it.  We're really afraid of them cancelling the cycle if I show up sick at suppression check or something.

So he spent a couple of nights on the couch.  When a few days went by and he didn't get horribly sick, we decided to move him back into the bedroom, but not the actual bed.  We've had air mattresses set up below the foot of the bed and he's been sleeping on those.

It's confused the hell out of the cats, let me tell ya.  But we've found that the 2 boy kitties will sleep with me and the 2 girl kitties will choose to sleep with him.  Hmmmm, maybe I should reconsider this desperately wanting a girl thing.

He's feeling decent today and we're pretty sure that the period of contagion has passed.  Yay!  I'm gonna get some snuggles tonight!  Among other things!

In other news, we're starting to get concerned that my depression might be coming back.  It's really hard to tell since I've been hormoned up  pretty constantly for the last 4 months or so.  But I'm really feeling like a failure in life, a waste of space, hopeless, and here's the real signal - I'm having trouble thinking.  It's like a cloud surrounding my brain making it difficult to concentrate, comprehend what's going on, or just generally being a smart person.

If this IVF round doesn't work, I think I'm going to take 2 months off to get the hormones out of my brain.  Then I should be able to tell if my brain is coming back, or if the depression truly has set in.  If it has, I'll need to call my shrink (whom I haven't spoken to in about 3 years now) and look at getting onto some meds that won't destroy a potential future fetus.

On the professional front, it looks like my piece work job might not work out.  Now that I'm up to standard production speed, I've been crunching the numbers and it's just not adding up to even minimum wage.  I have a meeting with my boss on Monday to reassess how this is working out and to see what we can do to make it beneficial for both parties to have me keep this job.  But the more I crunch the numbers, the more I just can not make them work.  I really like the boss, I really like the actual work itself, but unless she can pay about 3x what she's paying now, I simply have to leave this job and find something else.  Maybe she knows something about what she's able to pay that I don't know and I'll be pleasantly surprised when we talk on Monday, but I'm fairly pessimistic.


  1. when will your egg retrieval be? and when hopefully with the day of implantation be? like 3 weeks away? I wanna know how often I should check back here to make sure I don't miss anything :)

    glad K isn't sick anymore. it seems to be going around, even way up here

  2. @Allyssa
    Egg retrieval is anticipated at on or around Oct 19th with a transfer on the 24th. Beta test on Nov 2 (my half birthday). Subject to change of course.

  3. Yeah to having husband back!

    All the hormones can mess with your brain. After the cycle, if you don't get pregnant, you should be able to clear the cobwebs out. If you do get pregnant, the pregnancy hormones and extra estrogen should help so you probably won't need meds while pregnant. The crash after pregnancy is the real bitch (which you've probably experienced). I hope you get the blissed out hormones rocking after the 24th!!!

  4. hooray for snuggles!!
    WRT depression, I have no words of wisdom, it sounds like you've got a good plan and I hope you feel better soon.

  5. IVF hormones made me hormonal. I am surprised at times that my DH survived that time.

    As for the job that sucks and hopefully you and the boss can work it out.

  6. Huzzah for hubby being able to be back in bed, along with snuggles etc.
    And of course I'm sure the kitties are doing a little dance of glee :)

    I can only imagine that the IVF hormones are pushing your emotions around. And the fact is that it really has not been that long since you lost the girls. It is perfectly natural that you would be struggling with depression. As per your most recent post about tea, perhaps there are some natural remedies to help support you during this emotional time?

  7. I'm sure the hormones have something to do with it, but I'm happy you're aware enough of things to give yourself some time off to re-assess. And I assure you, there are plenty of preggo-safe happy pills out there. :-)


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