So after feeling like I was doing pretty well for a couple of days, I got hit again last night.
About 2am, I've taken only 1/3 of a sleeping pill and I'm not feeling very sleepy. I'm about to turn off the light and I start having those warm fuzzy thoughts that one wants to have when about to go to sleep.
But the warm fuzzy thoughts are about what the next year is going to be like and then I remember that my go to warm fuzzy thoughts are no longer something to fantasize about. My next year is not going to be about tucking in babies and sitting on the couch with two babies for lunchtime.
And a whole new wave of sad and tears hit almost as if I hadn't realized that before.
I think I'll take the entire prescribed sleep aid tonight.