About a week or so after I lost the girls, I did have one reaction that I didn't blog about. And I didn't blog about it cuz it scared the living daylights out of me.
I don't even really know how to describe it.
We were on the couch watching a movie. Just trying to pass the time in between crying jags. I felt a jag coming on and asked K to pause the movie cuz I felt like it was gonna be a big one.
Oh my lord was it ever. I don't even know what the hell happened to me. I started sobbing and my body started twisting in on itself. I was panicking, wailing, twisting, writhing, just freaking out beyond all comprehension. It was painful. And loud. And uncontrollable. I was screaming and wailing, almost like I had been during labor.
And that paragraph doesn't do the experience justice.
And then it passed. Lasted about 10 minutes, and then I started to get my breath again and started saying "what the hell was that? I've never seen anyone do that! I've never even seen that in a movie or anything!"
And K just kind of quietly said "I have."
"Really? When did you ever see a reaction like that?"
"When your water broke."
It was too intense to blog about before now. And I leave it here in case anyone else experiences something like this. It was incredible. Nothing triggered it, it just suddenly happened, for no reason. And I'm terrified of it happening again.