Going Backwards

I was doing ok for a couple of days but now I feel like I've taken a few steps back.  More crying, more snotty tissues.

Still feel like I'm in that hospital room and I could have said or did something different to make this come out better. What I wanted to say was "I'm just going to lie here and do nothing until the hearts stop beating.  And if mine stops first, that's just fine and dandy with me!"  But they seemed pretty convinced that mine was going to stop first .....so.......  Still wish I had been stronger and kept to that that conviction.

And I keep hearing that damned Chili's theme song in my head - I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, I want my baby back......