My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

My growing security blanket

I'm gonna show you pictures of me!  I never do that!  But what I look like is actually relevant so here I go.

I haven't had a haircut in a while.  It's something I tend to avoid.  Not sure why really.  Probably because I have so damned much of it that getting a simple trim seems to take forever.  And I don't want them to cut it into something that I'll have to style.  I want to shampoo, condition, brush when I get out of the shower, and how it dries is simply how it's going to look.

And I've talked about the various issues I've been having with it since I lost half of it when pregnant with the girls and the aftermath of it starting to grow back in when they left me.  So since that last haircut, I just haven't touched it.

While I was shedding like crazy during my last pregnancy, I haven't lost any hair this pregnancy.  Boys, I'm telling you.  Everything about this pregnancy is different so it's gotta be boys.  PS - there's a slim chance I'll find out of that theory is correct on Monday.  Probably not quite far along to tell yet though, but maybe.

I've had bangs for most of my life though.  Personally, I find my face too round and blech without them.  But I let them grow longer than usual between cuttings and figured it had been so long since I had tried growing them out, I may as well give it a go now.  K actually prefers it this way.  The weirdo likes being able to see my face.

So here's where they currently are.

Why yes, I did crop those pictures.  I just think it's sad when you see someone holding up the camera in the mirror.  Even though it's obvious that's what I'm doing, at least allow me the delusion that you can't see the blue camera strap ok?  Besides, I made someone a promise that if I started doing belly pics, you would not be subjected to the contents of my bathroom counter or dirty laundry that always seem to be in the background of these things.

Ok, where was I?  Right!  How I currently look!  This is what my hair is doing when it's generally behaving.

Oh, and yes, many of these facial expressions were made strictly for your amusement and because even when I try to be normal, I'm just so not photogenic.  See that photo on the left there?  That's about as normal I can look in a picture.  Ok, now you know why out of almost 300 blog posts, you've hardly ever seen a picture of me.  I have issues.  Moving on.

Now, more often than not, that one stupid lock of hair that was my bangs hangs down directly in my eyes and just bugs the hell outta me.  So I've taken to doing the Amy Farrah Fowler most nerdy hairdo of just clipping them out of my eyes, vanity be damned!

And what the hell, let's complete the loser picture and include the "no one will take a picture of me so I'll take pictures of myself" camera shots!
The good news is that the shorter hair near the root is now long enough to just seem like it's an intentional layer.  It's almost shoulder length at this point I think.  In this pic, you can see the difference in size in the ponytail holders.  The big one is my usual hair, the smaller one is how much hair I had left after being pregnant last year.

My hair is doing so many things that I just don't know what to do with it.  I'm basically just tolerating its existence at this point.  On the other hand, I have long, thick, naturally blond, unchemically treated hair.  

So, what is this all leading up to?  I've made a decision.  

For the third time in my life, I'm going to donate it to Locks of Love.  It's currently long enough that if I were to cut off the minimum donation of 10 inches, it would fall just below my shoulders.  I've always regretted going shorter, but I can do shoulder length.  And if I'm going to have 2 babies to handle, well washing this mess makes my showers longer than they need to be, and cutting it off will cut my shower time in half.  And projectile poo and baby juices will have less hair to get icky in.  And little hands won't have as much to tug quite as quickly.
So when I get to 24 weeks, after I get another inch or two on this, and on the day that the doctor tells me that if I went into labor, there would be a chance of taking home babies instead of sadness, I'm going to the hairdresser, and I'm cutting it off.  That will be the confirmation to myself that having babies might actually happen this time.  I still can't get myself to believe it, but maybe by then I'll be able to.  And I'll walk around with a confirmation that I believe it.  And of course, I hope this will help someone else who's having a rough go of things since I don't have much else I'm able to give.


  1. Your hair is beautiful! I love the color :) I always donate my hair when I lop it off, which is about once every couple of years or so. Locks of love is going to looooove you!

    I let my hair grow before the birth of my twins. What I found working in daycare was that long hair actually worked best for me because I could brush it and put it up out of harm's way, vrs medium length hair which was always getting grabbed etc. My husband is not fond of my long hair (weird, because most guys dig it). I promised my dh that I was going to get it cut into a more stylish doo once my daughter was past the hair grabbing/vomit stage...but I haven't. I would much rather buy a book or go to a museum w my money than get a hair cut. :)

  2. Wow, girl, you really do have a lot of thick hair! Mine's really thick, too, but I can't handle having it long. My head gets too hot. :D

    I think donating to Locks of Love is a fantastic idea, and totally get your timeframe. Way cool...

    (You're not unphotogenic, either, dear! You look fantastic! I know, though, I hate seeing myself in pictures, too. I end up with this double chin every time, which I swear doesn't exist in real life!)

  3. Wait, the Amy Fowler bobby pin twist is nerdy? Shit. ;) I rock that daily!

  4. Great idea! I'd do the same but I dye my hair.

  5. Your hair is pretty! I wish my hair had that pretty wave to it like yours does! Your bangs clipped back looks great too! Kudos on donating to locks of love! I've done it many times. most was 27 inches O.o

  6. I donate every 3 years. I love to do it. With my pregnancy, I lost about half of my hair andI was pregnant with a boy! My son stripped away the beauty of my hair!

  7. Love all the photos Alex! With all those expressions, have you ever considered acting. ;) Great plan for your hair!

  8. YAY we get to see your face! Those crazy faces are making me crack up so much! And the ones that you are just smiling is you look great. I think you take great pics! You really have thick hair. I would love hair like that. Mine is very thin and strait and as soon as I went off BCP it thinned out even more.

    I donated my hair after my wedding. I have kept it shoulder since then, but I decided last month I am going to grow it out again and donate it right before I have a baby. Locks of love is awesome. My Mom and aunts own a salon and anyone who donates their hair gets a free cut.


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