My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Just a quick update

Went to the doctor today.  Different doctor from Dr. C because he's off this week and I want to meet all the doctors anyway because at this clinic, when you deliver, you get whoever is on call.

Going into the ultrasound, I got the question "So, uh, why are you here?  Have you had bleeding?"  I answered honestly.  "Because I'm completely paranoid and Dr. C said I could come in whenever I wanted to so here I am.  Oh, and yes, I've been bleeding this weekend."

No gender reveal.  She said that they'll try at 16 weeks but even then, it might not be until 18 or 20 before they get an accurate read.

Both kids are active and have heartrates of 162bpm.  Plenty of amniotic fluid.  Cervix length of 36mm.  Woot!  That's a full centimeter longer than they hope it will be!

The bleed is still there, sitting under Twin As patootie, but it's holding pretty steady in size and is butting up against the placenta, but isn't digging underneath it at all.  I was really hoping that we had passed that last week and we were done with it, but no, it's still with us.  And it's still unpleasant.

But, and this is where you find out just how twisted we are, there is a weird silver lining.  I was talking to K last night, asking him how real this all feels to him.  Has that click happened yet?  To him (and to me too), all of this difficulty and complication almost makes it more real and more secure in the belief that we'll have kids at the end of this.  The girls were just so simple.  Nothing happened, we simply waited our way through the pregnancy.  But this time, we're dealing with bleeds and really fighting all the time to make sure that we stay pregnant for another week.  So it almost feels like we'll be rewarded for all that work.  We are people who have to fight for babies, we don't get to do anything the easy way.  So fighting through the pregnancy seems more reassuring than waiting it out.  We waited out conception and that didn't work.  We started fighting and we finally got it.

In other pregnancy symptom news, somehow I went from achy abdomen yesterday to OMG there's a bowling ball sitting on my pelvic bone trying to crack me open!  Just walking has become pretty darned painful, even after 2 pain killers.  I'm hoping this passes as quickly as it hit me because I am not enjoying this at all.  My digestive system never seems to be in a normal state.  It's either too empty, too full, full of gas, wanting to shit, not being able to shit, or some other variation of wanting me to relieve it.  It's just never happy.

K is having issues of his own.  He's spent most of the day either asleep or running to the toilet to deal with diarrhea.  I'm letting him sleep in the bed though.  Whatever is bugging him doesn't seem to be an airborne thing, and the snoogle now prevents him from breathing on me all night anyway.

The snow has hit the Seattle region so I don't know if I'll be leaving the house tomorrow or not.  There's still a thrill seeing Northshore School District on the news ticker of closed school districts.  I can't wait until that's actually relevant to my life again!


  1. Oh darn it! I was hoping the bleeding would go away and we'd get to know the genders. It seems like everything is going really well, though. (knock on wood) And yes, I am going to type 'kow' every time I say something positive. I don't want to jinx anything. :)

    It is weird how you feel your pregnancy is doing better because you're fighting. Other than one scary bleed, my pregnancy just moved along like clock work until delivery. But I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe having bleeding and stuff to deal with gives you something to do rather than just let your mind run in circles? I still hope that your bleeding goes away and your pregnancy is smooth sailing. You've dealt with enough!

  2. I think I would feel the same way you do, like if nothing was "happening" I would be worrying that something MAJOR was going to happen, so as long as little things just keep happening you feel kind of secure. That is what the IF journey does to people!!! Messes with their heads!!!!

  3. Well hopefully this bleeding will just stop. I can't imagine how annoying this must be still not knowing the sex/es of the babies.

    Alex, I love the snow here on JBLM. It must be the upstate New Yorker in me. J and I went for a long drive in the snow yesterday we missed it so much.

  4. Gosh, you seem to be exactly where I would be mentally in another twin (or singleton) pregnancy. On top of everything.
    I also live in Seattle area and would love to meet someone else who has been through a loss such as mine (twin loss). If you ever feel like talking it all out with someone who has been there and has the same fears (even though I'm not pregnant again yet), I'm available. I know how nervous you must be.

    Thinking of you, Alissa


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