Pretty sure I officially have it.
I'm not crying as much as I was before, but I've lost interest in pretty much everything. My parents came over to babysit for the evening yesterday, just to give me a break and let me go out and do whatever I wanted. And I couldn't figure out anything I wanted to do or anywhere I wanted to go. I hate being here, but can't think of a better alternative. Just kind of numb, unhappy, and bored with everything.
I made an appointment with a shrink for next Monday. I want to see if I can get myself back before I completely miss the whole newborn stage. Because right now, I'm so unhappy all the time that I am missing it. I'm going through the motions and the girls are being cared for, but at some point, I've got to find a way to be interested in life again.
And frankly, I'm pissed off about it. Not surprised of course, but just pissed off. I didn't get to enjoy the conception of the girls like a normal person, or the pregnancy because of all the bleeding and scary stuff, the birth was no fun, and now I don't even get to enjoy the actual babies. I knew that I would be sacrificing some of the normal life experiences that most people get to have when starting a family, but come on! Let me enjoy SOMETHING damnit!