My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Kind of afraid to eat

According to the website where I'm tracking my food, I've eaten just under 1,000 calories today.  In order to reach my goal weight by the last week of August, I'm supposed to eat between 1,500-1,850 calories per day.  So in theory, I've only eaten 2/3 of my daily allotment of food, and I made sure it was decent food. 

But I'm afraid to go to the fridge or cupboards and get something else.  If I eat one more thing, I'm afraid I'll eat 20.

Maybe it's because I really haven't eaten very much and yet a lot of calories have been used up.

It's only a goal of 8lbs over 6 weeks.  Nice and slow and everything.  But I feel like if I count on the plan working as slowly as it's designed to, it won't work at all.  Like if I do that standard diet thing of losing 5lbs really fast in the first week or two, then I'll have a lot of time left to lose the last couple of lbs.  But if I try to do it slow, I can't count on those last 2lbs coming off in those last 2 weeks like they need to and then I'll be totally screwed.

The stakes are so high, and I've been failing at losing weight for so many years, I'm kind of petrified myself into severity. 

I'm such an all or nothing person.  I need to work on that.

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