My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Still feels weird to say

I've been doing this mommy thing for a little over a year now.  Yet today when I made some dentist appointments, it felt really weird to say "my daughters".

I don't know why that feels weird.  I think part of me still keeps everything at a bit of arms length because I usually refer to them as "the girls".  I have two daughters.  My daughters.  Weird.

It almost feels like when I say "my daughters", there's a ton of story and explanation that needs to go with that.  I still feel like there's some sort of caveat to that phrase that needs to be explained, but there's not.  They really are MY daughters.  This is real.  They aren't going away for at least another 17 years.  I'm really going to get to experience holding hands to cross the parking lot, don't hit your sister, first day at school, zits, crushes and falling for the wrong boy (or girl), learning how to drive, all that.

I even have trouble fathoming that my body grew them.  They lived inside of my body.  I still find pregnancy to be this incredible, otherworldly concept that I'll never be a part of, and yet I've done it myself!  I've been there!  You would think I would be able to comprehend how that works.  How people grow inside of other people.

I created this person.

And I created this person.

And I created them at the same time.  

Sometimes, they still just seem like elaborate pets.  Like the cats I adore, but who will always have this separation from me since we can't fully communicate like grown up people.  

We're a family of four.  I have 2 daughters.  I'm their mom.  K is their dad.  It's just so weird!


  1. I have problems with the "p word". Even when I was pregnant I had trouble referring to myself in that way..I couldn't seem to wrap my mind or mouth around it. Daughter is also foreign but not as hard to say.. I even busted out "my little girl" the other day- I was so proud of myself!

  2. I totally get this. Sometimes I cannot believe I have an almost 2 year old daughter. That I'm someone's MOTHER. It's beautiful in all its weirdness.

  3. You are very lucky. Hope they always appreciate what you had to go through to create them.

  4. I think this all the time about me and my kids!!! SO WEIRD. And I'm kind of sad I've basically forgotten what it's like for a baby to kick around inside me, even though it was only 10 months ago that it was happening all the time (also weird that it was happened and the people who were doing it are sleeping in their cribs right now for an afternoon nap!)

  5. I feel this way all the time. My boys are 3 months old and I still have a funny feeling when someone asks about "my sons". I went through so much to have them and now it is unreal to see them, hold them and knowing that they are my sons and like you said, they aren't going anywhere (at least for the time being). Glad to know I am not the only one feeling this way :)


Please share your thoughts! It makes me feel like I have friends.