I want S

Still a bit unsure about how I feel about my doctor and whether or not I should try to find someone else that I click with better.  But I have another appointment with him in a few days so we'll see how I feel after that.

What I really want is one of the nurses from the fertility clinic.  She was awesome.  Says the "wrong" things on purpose the same way I do, has a total attitude that I click with.  We didn't interact a whole lot, but I was always really glad when she happened to be on duty during my appointments.

I just get the impression that for the important stuff, she would listen to me and make sure what I wanted got done, but if she were to tell me that I can't have what I want because of whatever reason, I would listen to her.  She's got some ball-buster in her and that's kind of what I need cuz I tend to go wimpy around doctors.  And since she's in the medical profession, she'd probably think of questions that I wouldn't and could act as a bit of an interpreter.

And even though the doctors office insists that I can call them about anything, I tend not to call a doctors office unless it's something really important.  There's all of those little questions that pop up that aren't important enough to interrupt the doctors day, but that I'd still like to get an answer to.  I kind of feel like she was someone I could call with that kind of little stuff.

Friends are telling me I should contact her and see if she would be interested in being my doula or something.  I know it doesn't hurt to ask, no one is ever insulted by being wanted, but she has a full time job and her job tends to be over once the pregnancy starts.  I dunno.  I might contact her, I might not.  It just seems really awkward.  But whenever anyone asks me who I want at the delivery and who do I want to be involved in all of this, I always go back to "I want S."  I've been pretty consistent about this thought both when I'm rational and when I'm doing the emotional whiny thing.

I guess the least awkward thing would be to send her a link to this post.  That way she can be complimented at being wanted without being put on the spot by being asked for an obligation.  And since we'll likely never cross paths again unless we make an effort to, she can simply not respond and no awkwardness on either side.

So, S, I would really like you to be involved in my pregnancy for the next 6 months in some way, as much or as little as you would be comfortable with.  And I'd really like you to be there for the delivery.  As much as I trust my husband to be there for me, he's going to be becoming a father for the first time so he's kinda gonna have his own shit going on at that moment and I could really use a ball-buster on my side.  Is there any way, shape, or form in which I can have you as a part of all of this?