Attempting to shift the night shift

We're still having a few problems at night, but we might have figured a few things out.

The girls are usually in a bassinet in the living room all day.  We tend to have the tv on, either on news or some sci-fi something.  So it occurred to me, they are used to a combination of white noise and dialogue!  The other night, we turned on the white noise machine AND put a radio quietly on a talk radio station all night and we had a pretty good night.  They woke up every 3 hours or so for feedings and diaper changes and generally went back to sleep fairly quickly.  WOOT!!!

We talked to a nurse about whether or not there was a safe way to let babies sleep on their tummies.  Apparently not.  Medical professionals are still adamantly opposed to that so we won't be trying that.

We are also trying to add a little stimulation into their daytime awake times hoping that will make them want to sleep longer at night.  Of course, there's not a whole lot of stimulation to be had.  While they are really 6 weeks old, their adjusted age developmentally is only a week.  But we are starting to see a few developments.

Both girls are lifting their heads up high and holding them up to look around at the world.  And I think they are starting to make eye contact and hold a gaze a little bit.  Or maybe I'm imagining that because I so desperately crave some sort of interactive acknowledgement of my existence.  Every once in a while, one of them will sleep for 5 solid hours, so I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  Sleeping through the night might actually happen before I completely lose my mind.  Fingers crossed that it happens soon, but I'm not expecting it to.  Their little faces are experimenting with smiles, but more as muscle twitches and not yet because they are responding to anything.

Christina had to get an ultrasound on her hips because she was in the frank breech position for so long.  They are detecting some looseness in the sockets so we'll have some sort of follow-up about that.  I don't really know any details.  I'm not too worried about it though.

The doctors did remark at how strong her legs were and that makes me feel good.  I still feel guilty that so much of my parenting is hands off because I'm tied to the pumping machine so often.  K has to do most of the hands-on stuff because I'm not available.  But they are growing fast and strong because I'm doing that so I'm trying to take solace in that fact.

I'm going to keep up the pumping as long as I can.  I figure until at least 6 months, but it's rough.  Living life in 3 hour increments, 30 minutes of which I'm stuck only being able to do whatever I can reach from a chair, it just sucks.  Granted, sometimes I'm glad I can go hide and just play with facebook on my phone while K deals with screetching children, but mostly it's just annoying.  And I am missing out on a lot of cuddle time because I have Madonna style cones on my boobs, and even when I don't, the boobs are often sore and it's hard to cuddle when holding your child hurts your chest.

One of my boobs keeps developing hard spots.  They hurt.  So far I've been able to forcefully massage them out while I pump so I haven't developed mastitis (yet), but they are not making this any easier.  Each time one of these spots develops, it takes about 24 hours to fully work it out.  Working it out means pressing REALLY hard on the spots while pumping, and sometimes even just leaning over a sink to hand express whatever I can get out of the blocked duct.  The lumps hurt like a really deep bruise, so massaging/pressing them forcefully just hurts like hell.  But it's better than not working them out.  Kind of a lose-lose there.

Some of the ADD seems to have abated, I can concentrate a little bit now and I'm not getting distracted as easily.  I'm starting to have moments where I feel like myself again.  Just moments.  K and I left the girls with the in-laws and had a date night last night.  It felt really weird.  It was like the old me and the new me were at odds and I was trying to figure out which one was real.  I'm still not sure which version of me is going to come out of all this.