Am I really going to have two babies? Just how much am I going to fuck this up? What difficulty am I going to encounter, and then find out the perfect answer for about 3 months too late? AAAACCCKKKK!!!!!
And worst of all.....what if I don't like being a mom?
Today's panic was set off by a post by a one of my pregnancy buddies on facebook. She said that her husband looked at her Ford Focus and exclaimed that there was no way all the baby stuff was going to fit in that car. Uh, I drive a Ford Focus. And I'm going to have 2 babies.
Then the conversations about car seats and how they fit in the car. When I shopped to register for a car seat, I didn't even really think about dimensions, I figured they were all pretty much the same. Because my car is a two door, my priority was a base that stayed installed so that the seat just clicks in and clicks back out without being installed and uninstalled all the time. I pop into the conversation asking if I'm totally screwed and the buddies tell me I should probably check dimensions to make sure I'm not getting a car seat that will force me so far forward that I'm steering the car with my boobs.
So I check the depth dimension - 30.7 inches. And I take a tape measure out to my car and measure from the back of the horizontal part of the back seat to where the drivers seat sits when in my most comfortable driving position. 25 inches. Uh oh. I move the seat forward to accommodate 31-32 inches. And I can't even get in the seat, much less consider driving like that.
I spent the rest of the day shopping for car seats based on dimensions. I found myself with a handful of candidates, mostly convertible seats that will change to front facing when the time comes. There's only one that has a permanently installed base (and you can buy extra bases separately) and fortunately, it's also the car seat that has a handle as well so that it's a carrier. The others didn't appear to be baby carriers at all.
This is what I've chosen.
With a different kind of car seat, I had to check the various stroller frames to see if they were compatible. They are, but not wonderfully so. Fine, whatever, good enough. We'll be getting a proper double stroller when the babies outgrow being carted around in the car seat soon enough.
What if I hadn't run across that conversation? I would have had car seats that didn't fit in our cars! Luckily I discovered my mistake before it became a big deal to correct it, but shit! What else am I going to make decisions about that I drastically regret later??? What if our cars are simply too small and we really need to buy a bigger car? We can't afford a different car! Fuck, what else can I not afford??
All I can picture in my future now is being exhausted, babies with rashes because I chose the wrong detergent or something, and massive amounts of crying and all of those other things that I've always hated about babies and finding myself sitting on the floor sobbing at how much I've destroyed my life by going completely broke financing a dream that turns out to be a nightmare. I've never made a decision that I can't undo before! You can't undo babies if it's the wrong life path!
And if any of you tell me I'm just being hormonal, I'z gonna cut a bitch!