My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sorry for your loss, God, and Heaven

For those who believe in God, you may just prefer to skip this post.

I am so sick of certain phrases!

Sorry for your loss.  On the miscarriage forums that I'm reading, this has replaced "Dear So and So" as a greeting. 

Just like the word "Dear" has been so overused to the point that is has absolutely no meaning, so has the phrase "sorry for your loss".  "Dear" used to be a term of endearment.  A way of describing the person you are addressing as someone who means something to you.  But because it has become the standard term used in letter writing, we now write "Dear" when addressing letters to strangers.

So at this point, "Sorry for your loss" is just a pointless phrase that people are writing for lack of anything better to write.  It bugs me.  It takes all of the meaning out of it.

And every time I see something about how my babies are in heaven or God has some sort of bigger purpose, bullshit people.  Plain and simple bullshit. 

If God had some sort of greater purpose in deciding who gets to have babies and who doesn't and when, then healthy babies would not be born to people who eventually abuse them to death.  And babies would not be born to people who have absolutely no way of caring for them, or don't even have the desire to do so.

Let's face facts.  There are dregs of every society.  The people who's mere existence makes other peoples lives a scary and more difficult place to be.  The abusers.  The thugs and thieves.  The people who choose to abuse the welfare system and drain society rather than contribute to it.  And these "people" are just as fertile as anyone else in the world.

So if you're telling me that some sort of God has a bigger plan and everything happens for a reason, oh bullshit in the highest order!  Why would God give a healthy baby to someone who would throw it in a dumpster?  Or who will shake it death when it cries?

So no, there is no bigger plan.  No, things do not always happen for a reason.  And no, there is no all seeing, all knowing, all blessed God.  Because if there is a God out there denying me and my husband the children we so desperately want to raise into strong, reliable, contributing adults, while choosing to give babies to the crack addict who can't identify the baby daddy with better things to do than to feed said baby, then your God is someone I want absolutely nothing to do with.  He is a completely fucked up shit head who's playing with humanity like some masochistic Sims game.

So seriously, quit telling me to find some sort of solace in God.  I didn't believe in a God before, and the last thing that will bring comfort is the concept that this was done to me and so many of the other wonderful potential parents on purpose. 


  1. I noticed that, too--that "sorry" was being thrown around a lot.
    I never use it for grief. But I think everyone wants to express sympathy-but doesn't know what to say....SO they fall back into "sorry...." b/c that's so standard.
    I personally have resorted to (((hugs))) b/c that's what I want to do...comfort-give a shoulder to cry on. and just let you know I am here...

  2. I can't agree with you more.

    I also dislike the fact that some people think you can't be angry, sad or depressed for a period of time. You either need to immediately get on an antidepressant or buck up and just get over it.


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