My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Facebook Farfegnugen

Dear Pregnant People of Facebook,

It's not you, it's me.  Perhaps if I were more mature, or a better person in general, it wouldn't have come to this.  But it has.

I'm going to have to defriend you for the time being. 

You're all swell people and I wish you all the best in the world.  I sincerely wish I were a big enough person to be happy for you without it triggering sadness for myself.  But I'm not.

So awesome photographer, I hope we can be friends again in the future.  But a couple of days ago, my heart ached with jealousy when you said your little girl said "Mama" for the first time and blew you a kiss.  And while you're still in full on baby mode, today you smacked me across the face with a surprise ultrasound of the little boy you have on the way.  I can't keep seeing that beautiful little girl in my newsfeed every time you say something, and now I REALLY can't stand to see the growing ultrasound pictures that would be coming my way in the coming months.  That surprise ultrasound sent me into 2 hours of wailing and a really sobby phone call to my hubby at work.  But I really do like you and was kind of hoping we could be down to earth moms together.  And again, it's not you, it's totally me. 

College buddy who's wife is due about the same time my little girls were due.  Sorry I can't swap spit up stories with you.  I hope she has a smooth delivery and I wish I could watch that little girl wrap you around her finger.  But it would just kill me to watch you go from rocker to goo-goo guy when my husband isn't getting the same opportunity.

And God is Great SAHM, sorry, but you've gotta go too.  I'm sure this God character of yours does wonderful fabulous things for you, but if he exists, he's choosing to kick me in the teeth over and over and over again lately and I just want to throttle every mention of that imaginary bastard that you're praising every friggin day.  All the best to you and your family.

Miscarriage Mama


  1. Alex,

    I'm right there with you on this one. Facebook has become a constant reminder of what I don't have anymore. I get sad and a streak of hatred overcomes me for the briefest of moments when I see a baby post or picture. And then I feel completely guilty for feeling that way and I beat myself up for a little bit. It's not healthy. I think you're right to remove or hide those folks for a bit. Hiding pregnant people or people with babies has become my husband's favorite pastime.


  2. Facebook is so difficult to deal with after you experience a loss. :-( I had to defriend my own sister. When she excitedly announced that she was having a baby boy a few weeks after i just lost mine...I cried for hours. Then, seeing all the congratulatory replies from our mutual friends just added more salt to my wound. I have to say, though, there are a few great baby loss support groups on facebook that help me survive those darn, stupid posts that I somehow can't seem to get away from. I think I am almost the only one on FB without a child!!!

  3. Dear Miscarriage Mama,
    Your presence on my facebook is missed. It has taken me several months now to find this post. Your blog, which I poured over and cried over many times was missed as well. I never meant to cause you any harm or hurt by posting my news. You will never see a picture of my first child, because that one never made it to this world. Years later I still cry over the baby that I never get to meet. The miscarriage club is truly the crappiest club on earth to belong to. I hope we can be friends again down the road too. I am crossing my fingers that soon you will be that down to earth mama you deserve to be.


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