Dear Pregnant People of Facebook,
It's not you, it's me. Perhaps if I were more mature, or a better person in general, it wouldn't have come to this. But it has.
I'm going to have to defriend you for the time being.
You're all swell people and I wish you all the best in the world. I sincerely wish I were a big enough person to be happy for you without it triggering sadness for myself. But I'm not.
So awesome photographer, I hope we can be friends again in the future. But a couple of days ago, my heart ached with jealousy when you said your little girl said "Mama" for the first time and blew you a kiss. And while you're still in full on baby mode, today you smacked me across the face with a surprise ultrasound of the little boy you have on the way. I can't keep seeing that beautiful little girl in my newsfeed every time you say something, and now I REALLY can't stand to see the growing ultrasound pictures that would be coming my way in the coming months. That surprise ultrasound sent me into 2 hours of wailing and a really sobby phone call to my hubby at work. But I really do like you and was kind of hoping we could be down to earth moms together. And again, it's not you, it's totally me.
College buddy who's wife is due about the same time my little girls were due. Sorry I can't swap spit up stories with you. I hope she has a smooth delivery and I wish I could watch that little girl wrap you around her finger. But it would just kill me to watch you go from rocker to goo-goo guy when my husband isn't getting the same opportunity.
And God is Great SAHM, sorry, but you've gotta go too. I'm sure this God character of yours does wonderful fabulous things for you, but if he exists, he's choosing to kick me in the teeth over and over and over again lately and I just want to throttle every mention of that imaginary bastard that you're praising every friggin day. All the best to you and your family.