Just friggin fabulous

So I've been taking this horrible hormone for a couple of weeks and just generally feeling like crap.  I'm hormonal, I have cramps, I'm grouchy, I'm bleeding, and this morning I get a phone call.

My thyroid and prolactin levels are too high to continue with this attempt.

FRAK!!!

Oh, and it gets better.  Not only do I have to scrap this attempt, but a fresh round might not be available to me anymore.  Why you ask?  Well I'll tell you.

If you haven't been following along, than you might not be aware of the fact that I'm a fat woman.  When doing a fresh IVF attempt, if you're over a certain BMI, they can't do the egg retrieval in the office, they need to use the neighboring hospital facilities.

Why is this suddenly an issue when it wasn't an issue the last time?

Because my clinic has merged with another fertility clinic and now all of their standard procedures, agreements, la-dee-das are thrown into disarray as they figure out how they are going to do things moving forward.  So for the time being, they are discontinuing egg retrievals from women over a certain BMI.

Theoretically, they'll have it figured out by the time I could do a fresh round (July at the earliest) but there are no guarantees.

At least that's what they're telling me.  But here's what I think is going on behind the scenes.  The fertility clinic that they merged with happens to be the only clinic I have ever heard a radio advertisement for.  You know what that tells me?  They are more concerned about business than medicine. 

Fat patient = more cost to treat (higher dosages, extra complications, etc) and a slightly lower success rate.

When someone is shopping for a fertility clinic, let's face it, there's not much information we have to go on other than success rate numbers.  The clinic that mine merged with is about business.  So it would make sense to me that the fat cats running the place would prefer not to treat the expensive potential failure patients, and rather boost their success rate numbers by only treating the cheap and very good prognosis patients.

So I get this awful news that this FET attempt is a bust.  And I have to go on meds to treat the high hormone levels.  And we'll have to pay for the appointments we've already had and the lupron we've already used so that we can use our prepaid plan for the full next attempt, which is hopefully next month.

And on top of ALL of that, I need to spend the next 4 months attempting to lose a minimum of 14lbs so I'll be under the BMI line that will allow them to do an egg retrieval in house.  Will they have their shit together by then so I could do a fresh attempt even at my current weight?  I dunno.  So I'm going to have to diet and as a backup plan in case I'm ready to move forward before they are.

And if you remember back to the gestational diabetes portion of my pregnancy, one of my biggest fears/failures/life miseries is the attempt to maintain a diet and lose weight.

Chocolate gorge and crying jags this weekend, then start dieting and exercising on Monday.

I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life