My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Because my body has no sense of calendars

Another slightly graphic topic I'm writing about tonight.  You have been warned.

Our plan was to induce a period and expect it on the second week of February.  Then induce another period and expect that to arrive the second week of March.

That March cycle was going to be the start of our FET fun and frivolity.  We'd do the transfer in Mid April and probably find out the results during the merry merry first week of May which includes our anniversary, both of our birthdays, and our girls original due date. 

The goals with this schedule had a few different purposes:

  1. Give my body at least one full cycle to clean itself out and calm itself down before we start pumping it full of hormones again.
  2. Give my emotions a little extra time to settle down so I'm not crying all the friggin time.
  3. To go into that horrible horrible first week of May either having something to celebrate, or just stacking our next disappointment on top of the grief we'll already be dealing with.  Ya know, be efficient about being upset.
And my period is responding with it's usual cooperativeness.  I took the medications to induce and then.....nothing.  Should have started the ended the second week of Feb.

But it was not to be.  So I refill my prescription so I can start another round on March 1.  And as my darling K is at the drugstore picking up said prescription, I go potty and pull away a lovely wad of mucousy pinkish toilet paper. 

What the frak is that supposed to be????

My periods tend to be so light, that if I get one bloody wipe, we say that counts and we move on.  But this wasn't even a real wipe of blood.  Just mucous tinged pink to give a slight indication that some blood might be mixed in with that icky discharge.  And I've just taken pregnancy tests (just to make sure nothing happened during our grieving time) and nope, I'm not pregnant so it's not a new and funky pregnancy discharge.

In the morning I will be getting blood drawn and we'll find out if I'm starting my FET a couple of weeks early.  I really did want to go through one full cycle before trying again but clearly my uterus has some mystery calendar that it's working with where 5-10 days until your period should start = 3-4 weeks until your period should start.

I wasn't mentally prepared to start all of this damned rigmarole again this week.  I was just starting to think "okey dokey, let's get geared up to start this again in 2 weeks".

Assuming I start all of this again tomorrow (week one is just birth control pills, it's week 2 that gets interesting), that means we'll be learning whether or not it's successful in mid April.  If that's successful, that puts my fear moment (the week 19 mark) approximately on my parents anniversary, and the approximate due date at, oh, I dunno, the anniversary of losing my girls?  A few days before Christmas??

Argh.  I hope I get to start again tomorrow because I do want to be pregnant again as soon as possible.  On the other hand, that's not the best of calendars really.  Poor kid would have a Christmastime birthday.

Ah the dance of mixed emotions.  Would anyone care to tango?

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