Yay!!!! It's been about a week since I've had K in bed with me.
He's had a minor cold and we decided to try to prevent me from getting it. We're really afraid of them cancelling the cycle if I show up sick at suppression check or something.
So he spent a couple of nights on the couch. When a few days went by and he didn't get horribly sick, we decided to move him back into the bedroom, but not the actual bed. We've had air mattresses set up below the foot of the bed and he's been sleeping on those.
It's confused the hell out of the cats, let me tell ya. But we've found that the 2 boy kitties will sleep with me and the 2 girl kitties will choose to sleep with him. Hmmmm, maybe I should reconsider this desperately wanting a girl thing.
He's feeling decent today and we're pretty sure that the period of contagion has passed. Yay! I'm gonna get some snuggles tonight! Among other things!
In other news, we're starting to get concerned that my depression might be coming back. It's really hard to tell since I've been hormoned up pretty constantly for the last 4 months or so. But I'm really feeling like a failure in life, a waste of space, hopeless, and here's the real signal - I'm having trouble thinking. It's like a cloud surrounding my brain making it difficult to concentrate, comprehend what's going on, or just generally being a smart person.
If this IVF round doesn't work, I think I'm going to take 2 months off to get the hormones out of my brain. Then I should be able to tell if my brain is coming back, or if the depression truly has set in. If it has, I'll need to call my shrink (whom I haven't spoken to in about 3 years now) and look at getting onto some meds that won't destroy a potential future fetus.
On the professional front, it looks like my piece work job might not work out. Now that I'm up to standard production speed, I've been crunching the numbers and it's just not adding up to even minimum wage. I have a meeting with my boss on Monday to reassess how this is working out and to see what we can do to make it beneficial for both parties to have me keep this job. But the more I crunch the numbers, the more I just can not make them work. I really like the boss, I really like the actual work itself, but unless she can pay about 3x what she's paying now, I simply have to leave this job and find something else. Maybe she knows something about what she's able to pay that I don't know and I'll be pleasantly surprised when we talk on Monday, but I'm fairly pessimistic.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
And I was having such a nice day
Met with a fellow blogger today for coffee.
Honestly, I only intended to hang out for about an hour because I've got work to do, but I don't get the opportunity to talk in person very often, so I kept her at the table slightly longer than that. I'm not sure she would choose to hang out with me again (though I hope she does) because, well, I'm not a very cheery person and I had a little trouble allowing her the time to get a word in edgewise. I have so many stresses from so many different directions right now, and the only person I talk most weeks is K, and it's kind of pointless to unload on him sometimes because he's in the middle of the same stresses I'm under. So when I suddenly had an audience, one that understands what my last couple of years have been like, I'm afraid she got buried in my verbal diarrhea.
I hope this is just my social anxiety talking and she enjoyed hanging out as much as I did. But just putting it out there that I recognize the reasons why she may not have.
So that was lovely.
I got some work done tonight, so that was nice.
K got home and was too tired to cook so we hit McDonalds. I got a milkshake with my big mac meal. Hey, my weigh-ins are over! Don't judge me! So that was fun.
Logged onto facebook. And suddenly, I'm not having a nice day anymore.
You see, a couple of girls in the classes behind me in high school (that were a part of my social group as fellow drama geeks), when I first got on facebook, I watched their first pregnancies progress into babies. But that's when we were only kind of starting to TTC so no big deal. One of them gave birth to her second (in a year!) a couple of weeks/months (I lose track) ago. And tonight, the first thing looking out at me on my facebook page is the ultrasound for the other girl.
I'm no longer just the last one on the track, I'm being lapped.
Dear high school buddy who had her tubes tied,
At this rate, you might be the only person left on my facebook wall when the time comes for me to post an ultrasound. Thanks in advance for never having any surprises that might make me feel like crap. You are now forgiven for having a better career in my chosen field than I do.
Sincerely,
Failing from all directions
Honestly, I only intended to hang out for about an hour because I've got work to do, but I don't get the opportunity to talk in person very often, so I kept her at the table slightly longer than that. I'm not sure she would choose to hang out with me again (though I hope she does) because, well, I'm not a very cheery person and I had a little trouble allowing her the time to get a word in edgewise. I have so many stresses from so many different directions right now, and the only person I talk most weeks is K, and it's kind of pointless to unload on him sometimes because he's in the middle of the same stresses I'm under. So when I suddenly had an audience, one that understands what my last couple of years have been like, I'm afraid she got buried in my verbal diarrhea.
I hope this is just my social anxiety talking and she enjoyed hanging out as much as I did. But just putting it out there that I recognize the reasons why she may not have.
So that was lovely.
I got some work done tonight, so that was nice.
K got home and was too tired to cook so we hit McDonalds. I got a milkshake with my big mac meal. Hey, my weigh-ins are over! Don't judge me! So that was fun.
Logged onto facebook. And suddenly, I'm not having a nice day anymore.
You see, a couple of girls in the classes behind me in high school (that were a part of my social group as fellow drama geeks), when I first got on facebook, I watched their first pregnancies progress into babies. But that's when we were only kind of starting to TTC so no big deal. One of them gave birth to her second (in a year!) a couple of weeks/months (I lose track) ago. And tonight, the first thing looking out at me on my facebook page is the ultrasound for the other girl.
I'm no longer just the last one on the track, I'm being lapped.
Dear high school buddy who had her tubes tied,
At this rate, you might be the only person left on my facebook wall when the time comes for me to post an ultrasound. Thanks in advance for never having any surprises that might make me feel like crap. You are now forgiven for having a better career in my chosen field than I do.
Sincerely,
Failing from all directions
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Glee - Don't You Dare
All right Glee, you're treading on some dangerous ice there.
Oh I know, you think that you're so supportive of everyone. So inclusive. So sensitive. So sticking up for the underdog.
Without even realizing it, you have thrown every infertile/potential adopter under the bus already. Wanna know how you did it? Here ya go.
At the end of season 1, you introduced the character Shelby, Rachels birth mother. They met, she realized that she wanted her baby and not this teenager so they decided not to become a part of each others lives, but rather enjoy a distant knowledge of each other. Fine. Really, that's fine. I have to imagine that when a birth parent comes into the life of an adopted child, that's pretty much how the adoptive parents would hope it would go. They could know each other, but there's no question as to who the childs parents really are.
But that's not all. You had Shelby give a passing comment about how she can't have anymore kids. Within 1 episode of her deciding that she wants to raise a baby, Quinn gives birth and hands her daughter over to Shelby.
SLAP!!!!!!
That's not how it works!
Seriously? Quinn hadn't thought about WHO should she would hand her child to until she was in labor? WTF? And Shelby couldn't have done a home study because as soon as she had the kid, she ran off to be an actress in New York. Seriously, what adoption agency is going to say "here failed actress who's going to run off to another state to try to be a failed actress again without anyone to assist with raising the baby while you try auditioning in the most competitive job market known to man, have this baby!"
But okey dokey fine. You give us this bullshit happy resolution. Quinn fits back into sexy clothes, a competitor of the glee club takes the baby away, and everyone is happy.
And here we are, beginning of season 3. Shelby is back in town with the baby and seeks out the parents so they can be a part of her life. Pshhhhh. Yeah, I highly doubt that, but fine, we'll go with it.
The way you're handling Puck is actually pretty awesome. I mean, we had to jump through a lot of suspension of disbelief to get to this scenario, but once we're here, yes, I do believe that's how a father would act when faced with figuring out how to keep enough arms length so as to not spook the mom, but still get as much of the baby as possible.
But what you're doing with Quinn. Writers, fuck you. Seriously, from the heart. Fuck you with every rusty cheese crater found in the fields of Wisconsin.
Quinn is one of the heroes so I'm pretty certain you intend for us to root for her. And what do you do? You have her tell the mom of her child that she isn't Beth's mom, that Quinn will always be.
To reiterate, fuck you.
And then, you have her clean up her act as a rouse so that she and Puck can sue to regain custody of their daughter. And because these are the characters we've been watching for a couple of seasons, there's reason to believe that they are actually going to succeed at some point. And even if not, they are going to put Shelby through complete hell.
DON'T.........DO........THAT.
It takes years to get someone who is about to give birth to choose you to be the parent. And every adoptive parents worst fear is that someone is going to come and take their baby away and they will be absolutely powerless to stop it. Quinn is not that baby's mom, Shelby is. And if you even DARE to try to send the message that that's not the case, once again, cheese graters, I will gather them and deliver them myself.
You've smacked the infertiles once. Twice when we realize that you did it because it wasn't even on your radar enough to consider that maybe you should be somewhat sensitive to the issue. So we're both slapped, and invisible.
I'm not an adoptive mom. You wanna know why? Because anyone who would put themselves through the hell of the adoption process in this country is fucking extraordinary. I'm not that extraordinary. I'm putting myself through an entirely different hell because I fear that the adoption hell is 1000 times worse than this. Maybe one day I will be that extraordinary.
But if you smack every one of those extraordinary parents in the face by writing a story where their worst fear in life comes true and then they are just written off the show, la dee da, never to be thought of again with the audience cheering for their tormentors, FUCK YOU.
Oh I know, you think that you're so supportive of everyone. So inclusive. So sensitive. So sticking up for the underdog.
Without even realizing it, you have thrown every infertile/potential adopter under the bus already. Wanna know how you did it? Here ya go.
At the end of season 1, you introduced the character Shelby, Rachels birth mother. They met, she realized that she wanted her baby and not this teenager so they decided not to become a part of each others lives, but rather enjoy a distant knowledge of each other. Fine. Really, that's fine. I have to imagine that when a birth parent comes into the life of an adopted child, that's pretty much how the adoptive parents would hope it would go. They could know each other, but there's no question as to who the childs parents really are.
But that's not all. You had Shelby give a passing comment about how she can't have anymore kids. Within 1 episode of her deciding that she wants to raise a baby, Quinn gives birth and hands her daughter over to Shelby.
SLAP!!!!!!
That's not how it works!
Seriously? Quinn hadn't thought about WHO should she would hand her child to until she was in labor? WTF? And Shelby couldn't have done a home study because as soon as she had the kid, she ran off to be an actress in New York. Seriously, what adoption agency is going to say "here failed actress who's going to run off to another state to try to be a failed actress again without anyone to assist with raising the baby while you try auditioning in the most competitive job market known to man, have this baby!"
But okey dokey fine. You give us this bullshit happy resolution. Quinn fits back into sexy clothes, a competitor of the glee club takes the baby away, and everyone is happy.
And here we are, beginning of season 3. Shelby is back in town with the baby and seeks out the parents so they can be a part of her life. Pshhhhh. Yeah, I highly doubt that, but fine, we'll go with it.
The way you're handling Puck is actually pretty awesome. I mean, we had to jump through a lot of suspension of disbelief to get to this scenario, but once we're here, yes, I do believe that's how a father would act when faced with figuring out how to keep enough arms length so as to not spook the mom, but still get as much of the baby as possible.
But what you're doing with Quinn. Writers, fuck you. Seriously, from the heart. Fuck you with every rusty cheese crater found in the fields of Wisconsin.
Quinn is one of the heroes so I'm pretty certain you intend for us to root for her. And what do you do? You have her tell the mom of her child that she isn't Beth's mom, that Quinn will always be.
To reiterate, fuck you.
And then, you have her clean up her act as a rouse so that she and Puck can sue to regain custody of their daughter. And because these are the characters we've been watching for a couple of seasons, there's reason to believe that they are actually going to succeed at some point. And even if not, they are going to put Shelby through complete hell.
DON'T.........DO........THAT.
It takes years to get someone who is about to give birth to choose you to be the parent. And every adoptive parents worst fear is that someone is going to come and take their baby away and they will be absolutely powerless to stop it. Quinn is not that baby's mom, Shelby is. And if you even DARE to try to send the message that that's not the case, once again, cheese graters, I will gather them and deliver them myself.
You've smacked the infertiles once. Twice when we realize that you did it because it wasn't even on your radar enough to consider that maybe you should be somewhat sensitive to the issue. So we're both slapped, and invisible.
I'm not an adoptive mom. You wanna know why? Because anyone who would put themselves through the hell of the adoption process in this country is fucking extraordinary. I'm not that extraordinary. I'm putting myself through an entirely different hell because I fear that the adoption hell is 1000 times worse than this. Maybe one day I will be that extraordinary.
But if you smack every one of those extraordinary parents in the face by writing a story where their worst fear in life comes true and then they are just written off the show, la dee da, never to be thought of again with the audience cheering for their tormentors, FUCK YOU.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Growing list of snarky comebacks
We all hear the rude comments. We all wish we had just the right come back in mind when those comments are said to us.
So now, I present to you:
The Growing list of Snarky Comebacks!
You tell me a comment (email me or in the comments of this post) you heard that you want a really snarky comeback for and I'll write you that comeback. You score 5 internet points for every comeback that you actually have the balls to say in person! Check back often for more comments and comebacks! I'll get us started.
Have you ever thought about adopting?
Comeback 1) OMG! You mean that's actually an option???? My life problems are solved! Thank the heavens you thought of that!
Comeback 2) I called Babies R Us, but they were out of stock this month.
Comeback 3) You mean people actually give away children that they don't want? I can't believe I wasn't given away before I hit the age of 3!
Just relax and it will happen.
Comeback 1) I can not believe that my team of doctors who went to medical school for a decade and has been studying how to make babies for several more decades never recommended that. I don't know why they would open a fertility clinic if they could have just been giving out massages all this time for the same results.
It's all a part of God's plan.
Comeback 1) Any god that would drain the resources of someone who wants to provide for a child while giving a child to people like the cast of Teen Mom, that my friend, is one sick son of a bitch!
Comeback 2) Apparently the plan is to ensure that every human being experiences a whole lot of misery.
Comeback 3) Anyone who would mastermind this kind of misery sounds like those abusers on Jerry Springer with a bunch of bitches whining "But I luuuuuuuurrrves hee-um!"
Comeback 4) Thank you. I'm officially converted to Atheism now.
Just have more sex!
Comeback 1) You are so right. I'm such a prude.
Comeback 2) Is that an offer?
You've been married a while now, shouldn't you be having children already? Tick Tock you know!
Comeback 1) How far up does your tampon go? Oh, I'm sorry. I had assumed by your question about my plans for my crotch that all crotches were appropriate dinner conversation.
Comeback 2) Well, so far, I've had 2 dead babies, 3 embryos that didn't take, 1 embryo sitting in a freezer, and my body is currently being injected with hormones on a daily basis to create more embryos and potentially more pregnancies. But I'll see what I can do to hurry things up for you!
*Courtesy of Eggsinarow* Are you guys thinking about kids? It's pretty much time!
Comeback 1 as provided by EIAR) No, we can't. We have white carpeting, and clean up is a bitch.
Well, maybe your miscarriage was a blessing in disguise.
Comeback 1) Scariest Halloween disguise EVER!
Comeback 2) Very true. Nothing says "blessed" like a dead baby. Oh wait, I have 2! Lucky, lucky me!
Get over it already! It happens to a lot of people.
Comeback 1) So does cancer. I really wish those bald whiners would shut the hell up already!
So sound off in the comments everyone. What is your most hated yet common line? We'll keep populating this list until it's huge!
So now, I present to you:
The Growing list of Snarky Comebacks!
You tell me a comment (email me or in the comments of this post) you heard that you want a really snarky comeback for and I'll write you that comeback. You score 5 internet points for every comeback that you actually have the balls to say in person! Check back often for more comments and comebacks! I'll get us started.
Have you ever thought about adopting?
Comeback 1) OMG! You mean that's actually an option???? My life problems are solved! Thank the heavens you thought of that!
Comeback 2) I called Babies R Us, but they were out of stock this month.
Comeback 3) You mean people actually give away children that they don't want? I can't believe I wasn't given away before I hit the age of 3!
Just relax and it will happen.
Comeback 1) I can not believe that my team of doctors who went to medical school for a decade and has been studying how to make babies for several more decades never recommended that. I don't know why they would open a fertility clinic if they could have just been giving out massages all this time for the same results.
It's all a part of God's plan.
Comeback 1) Any god that would drain the resources of someone who wants to provide for a child while giving a child to people like the cast of Teen Mom, that my friend, is one sick son of a bitch!
Comeback 2) Apparently the plan is to ensure that every human being experiences a whole lot of misery.
Comeback 3) Anyone who would mastermind this kind of misery sounds like those abusers on Jerry Springer with a bunch of bitches whining "But I luuuuuuuurrrves hee-um!"
Comeback 4) Thank you. I'm officially converted to Atheism now.
Just have more sex!
Comeback 1) You are so right. I'm such a prude.
Comeback 2) Is that an offer?
You've been married a while now, shouldn't you be having children already? Tick Tock you know!
Comeback 1) How far up does your tampon go? Oh, I'm sorry. I had assumed by your question about my plans for my crotch that all crotches were appropriate dinner conversation.
Comeback 2) Well, so far, I've had 2 dead babies, 3 embryos that didn't take, 1 embryo sitting in a freezer, and my body is currently being injected with hormones on a daily basis to create more embryos and potentially more pregnancies. But I'll see what I can do to hurry things up for you!
*Courtesy of Eggsinarow* Are you guys thinking about kids? It's pretty much time!
Comeback 1 as provided by EIAR) No, we can't. We have white carpeting, and clean up is a bitch.
Well, maybe your miscarriage was a blessing in disguise.
Comeback 1) Scariest Halloween disguise EVER!
Comeback 2) Very true. Nothing says "blessed" like a dead baby. Oh wait, I have 2! Lucky, lucky me!
Get over it already! It happens to a lot of people.
Comeback 1) So does cancer. I really wish those bald whiners would shut the hell up already!
So sound off in the comments everyone. What is your most hated yet common line? We'll keep populating this list until it's huge!
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