My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I'm afraid

Teeny Tiny is on the move.  Middie Biddie is flying through all the crawling preliminaries and will likely be cruising very soon too.  I'm turning into a paranoid freak (again).

I have a room that's about as safety proofed as it can get.  There's crawling space, a few toys scattered around, and I'm keeping an eye out for every bit of fuzz that might find it's way into little fingers/mouths.  Yet I feel like I just sit here all day and watch Tiny cruise around, constantly ready to grab her and divert her.

I'm tense all day, afraid I'm going to step on Tiny little fingers as I try to get to Middie Biddie who is whining at me because she's frustrated that she can't really move yet.

When I'm ok and feeling confident that the room they're in is safe, I worry that by not giving them freedom of the house, I'm stifling development.  Maybe I'm stunting their growth by keeping them confined to a relatively small space.

So I put them in the living room and Tiny is off and I'm just too nervous to really let her explore.  Middie Biddie goes scooting backwards in the other direction and all I can think about is how stressed I'm going to be when they can both really haul ass.

I'm looking forward to that next set of gates getting here.  I can turn the living room into a giant safe cage.

What do other people do?  Are other babies pretty much going wherever they want to go and dangerous things are blocked off?  Or do you keep them corralled to specific areas?

That's a serious question.  What are other peoples levels of paranoia?  Do you literally remain within arms reach of your kiddo at all times, completely focused on them when they're awake during the day?  Because all the sanctimommies out there make it seem like that's what's expected.  Is that my job now?  To not allow my eyes to stray from kiddos for even a minute?

Still seem to have some of that irrational fear that if a kiddo finds some cat hair fuzz on the carpet and manages to get a taste of it, someone is going to scream "Bad Mommy for not catching that sooner!  You're Fired!"

I need someone to give me a reality check on what the standard level of "keeping an eye on them" looks like.  I'm such an all or nothing person that I really have no perspective.

Play date tomorrow.  I'm pretty sure the girls will be confined to their stroller.  With only one mobile, and only by crawling, I don't think a coffee shop filled with toddlers will be a good place for them to roam.


  1. Yes, I did exactly what you are doing. I had the nursery upstairs completely baby-proofed. Then I also baby proofed the dining room. We had glass doors separating the dining room and the living room from the foyer, and we took them both down and stored them for safety. The we bought gates that kept the dining room secure, the stairs secure, and their nursery secure. We had a very small house, but it wasn't possible for me to let them crawl and toddle in the whole thing AND keep my sanity. When my husband was home and we could tag team, we would explore the rest of the house. Don't feel guilty! Opening up the rest of the house is for when they are steadier on their feet and you are more established in their toddler-hood. (eventually keeping everything small, breakable, hot, etc out of reach becomes second nature and your whole house is safer, then if you have another kid, or in my case a dog, you have to relearn all over again). You can't be too paranoid when you have twins, IMHO, because you can't be in two places at once. In daycare the rule of thumb was: toddlers within an arm length of a teacher, 3-4 year olds in the same room as a teacher, 5 year olds within sight of a teacher. So, your instinct to be at arms length is spot on. :) The toddler/waddler age is the hardest and most exhausting, I won't lie to you.

  2. Maybe its because this is my third child (im from July 2012 bbc) but I think it's okay to be a little more relaxed about being right there every waking moment. I let my lo cruise around a mostly baby proofed living room and sometimes kitchen if I'm out there and busy. Yes sometimes she does topple over and bump her head, but I always get to her asap and I pick her up and give lots of kisses and cuddles, and normally she's ready to be back on the floor in less than 5 minutes. I wouldn't be over vigilant about the cat fur either. I don't think a few pieces will hurt. Whats that old saying? You have to eat a bushel of dirt.... is there one about cat hair too? We have 4 cats and one is a long hair who gets fur everywhere, especially since he's shedding his winter coat now .

    Its hard since they're your first, but you'll feel better if you can just relax a little, I promise :)

  3. Starting to wonder how I survived to adulthood when my parents didn't baby proof anything.

  4. I have 5 kids. With my 1st I just babyproofed as he got into things (it was the 90's and everything was much more relaxed then!). It was funny because my house was messy and the mess just got higher and higher as he got more mobile (stuff on the floor was moved to the coffee table when he started crawling and then counters when he started cruising). I covered outlets and picked up small things he could choke on but that was about it. I don't think I ever stayed within an army's reach but always an ear's reach. It was funny because we had a playroom and he would be in there playing and I knew exactly what toy he was playing with by sound only! Then you get down to my 5th and I didn't even pick up small toys (she really didn't mouth stuff very much) and only blocked off the stairs from 11-13 months (she crawled late and figured out how to go down safely early). She really didn't get into anything so I really didn't babyproof anything and gave her as much space as she wanted (but she was clingy anyways). My 4th required a good deal of babyproofing because he ate EVERYTHING he could get his hands on! From hand lotion to crayons to pencil erasers and chalk! Eek! I guess my best advice is just to babyproof as something poses an issue. If they leave it alone, don't worry about it! And always keep an ear on them so you know what they are getting into. :)

  5. I'm pretty sure I watched a kid pick up a booger off of the ground and eat it, spit it out, look at it, and eat it again (when I was 5). I am assuming that this kind of disgustingness is okay for kids and babies. I pick up food off the floor and give it back to the babies to eat - same with toys, which may or may not have fallen on the grass in the park and I brushed it off, handed it back, and they put it in their mouths. Gross, right? :( Bad mommy!

    Basically, I say, safe as possible, try not to let them get electrocuted or choke, but otherwise whatever. Banana has fallen over and face-planted a billion times the last few days trying to sit up on her own - and not landing on pillows, I mean like landing kerplop on the floor or on the ground outside. She's fine. No blood? No worries. Maybe other moms think I'm a bad mom for letting my kid hurt herself, but she is sitting up just fine now and hasn't fallen in 2 days! I have one of those big baby fences (I call it my corral for free-range babies) that I plan on using to keep them fenced in the dining room / play room, so I can leave them semi-unsupervised and some of those foam floor tiles.

    Also remember that some babies live in apartments much smaller than your house! My babies are living in a 700 sq ft apartment right now, and they will probably only have regular access to 200-300 sq ft of it when they are mobile. You are giving your babies lots of opportunities for stimulation and development!

  6. Thanks guys. I think I'm having one last hormone kerfuffle now that I've weaned. I'm a bit anxious, occasional bursts of panic, even when I'm just sitting here and nothing is going on. I might be looking for something to be afraid about to justify the feelings that are happening for not reason.


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