My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

I get my body back

This isn't about losing weight.  This isn't about recovering from pregnancy.  This is about taking back something I haven't owned in a long time.

3 years.  For 3 solid years, I've walked into doctors offices, dropped my pants, and had strangers poke and prod me in every undignified way a person can be poked and prodded.

With the exception of one more post partum medical exam in about a month, I finally get to regain ownership of my body.  I don't think I realized what a toll it was taking to have so little control over simply getting to choose who would get to have access to my body every day.  My body and I separated as entities, my body dragging me around from place to place that it had to get to for various appointments to be subjected to various indignities, and I waited for it to finish so it could take me someplace I actually wanted to go.  But now, finally, my body is only going to go where I want it to go, and it's only going to be accessed by people of my own choosing.  It belongs to me again.  

Maybe that's what's really signalling the end of this particular infertility journey.  I might have another one if we decide to try for another child in the future, but this journey is now over.  I know, the poopy diapers and constant bottle washing should signal the end, but that's not really the case.  That signals the start of a whole new journey.


  1. It's so interesting-- I saw it in almost an opposite way, like "oh crap, now I'm on my own, no one's checking to make sure my body is still working! What if it stops working!?" I really ran out of self-faith with my treatments (and I didn't have much to begin with) and now I feel a little adrift. Technically, I still have to go back for a 2hr fasting glucose test to make sure my GD didn't turn into, well, real D. So there's that, whenever I can get two hours of alone time to waste sitting around drinking sharp tangy orangey grossness.

    But good for you-- I'm really glad you're getting some agency and control back. IF treatments are really overwhelming and it's easy to just feel like there are hands all over you, all the time. <3

  2. I haven't thought about that. It will be nice to get my body back after we have a baby. So happy you own your body again.

  3. After 8 IVF cycles which resulted in 4 IVF pregnancies in 7 years, I totally get this post.


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