My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Crawl out from under the rock, go running back under

Had a video shoot this evening with a very nice client.  I film her kids plays and it always goes well.  There's actually some talent at that school and fortunately, the kids of the person who hires me do have really spectacular voices and good acting skills.  It's so refreshing to be able to praise honestly rather than being all fake about it.

The last time this particular woman saw me was 2 days before I ended up in the ER.  I did a small business profile for her salon and I was fatter than usual and in the happy stage.  You know that stage where you tell everybody and their mailman that you're toting twins in the tummy.

So last week, I finally figured out how to politely let her know that I will not be giving birth in the spring as expected and would thus be available to film the spring musical.  She writes me back with all due sympathy, and her kids are in a show the following week.

Awesome!  A paying gig with a good client!

Went to the show went well.  A few rays of talent within the high school crowd.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten how the lead character dies.  Well, that triggered me like crazy.  Held it together until I could get my stuff packed after the show but had to ask my second camera operator to kind of block for me so I can get through the crowd of milling parents with my head down.  She shows me a back door and as soon as I step outside, I completely lost it.  I'm just crying into a wall and my friend is trying to figure out what to do.

She's a friend that I work with, but not a call on the phone and spew all of my emotions to type of friend.  Well, she got spewed on.  Sorry about that C.  Didn't mean to.

All I could think was that 2 months ago, I almost died.  And my babies DID die. 

THIS is why I'm not out in public very much.  I'm mean really, a high school production of Our Town can make me cry?  Ugh!  I hate this.  I hate being someone who hears my own situation in every song lyric.  Who sees more meaning in the stupid every day stuff.  Someone who just cries.

I get home and K can see it on my face.  "You ok?"  "no"  "drama too much for you?"  "yes"  And I start crying all over again.

K just got cast as Charlie Chaplin in a play.  He's trying to refer to the roll as Chaplin, but obviously I'm hearing the name Charlie a lot lately.

Where's that rock?  I'm crawling back under.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please share your thoughts! It makes me feel like I have friends.