My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Brain in overdrive

In the next few days, we are going to make the decisions that will dictate the rest of our lives.

How far in debt do we go and what is the potential payoff?  How do I maximize the potential payoff with the minimal amount of debt?

I made a chart of potential outcomes depending on how we spend the next 12 months.   The colors get darker as I get older, and the embryo ages are demonstrated by the colors of their own cells.

Yes, I'm trying to predict the most unpredictable thing in the world.  Our IVF attempt yielded 1 pregnancy and 1, possibly 2 frozen attempts.  So while there's no guarantee that our numbers will be similar in future attempts, that's the only data I have to go on.

Obviously, the best thing is to buy 3 fresh cycles so I have as many chances in life as possible.  But look at how similar the chart for 2 fresh cycles is?  And what is really weird, is that it almost looks like I have my best chance at growing old with 2 children if my first IVF attempt fails and I'm able to start the second one back to back.  So that by counting on the second attempt to bring us our first living child will afford us the most possible, best attempts and producing a second child a few years later.

So, is that third fresh attempt, that we will likely never get to, or will get to when I've gotten old enough to lower my chances below using frozen from my younger self, well, is the cost/success ratio a good investment?  Can I even get my hands on enough cash up front to invest in that third attempt, even if I want to?

If my next 2 fresh attempts don't bring me my first child, I'm going to need to take a break.  In the last 10 months, my body has been through 1 aborted IVF cycle, 1 complete IVF cycle, and 19 weeks of being pregnant with twins.  Add 2 more fresh IVF cycles and that's a LOT for the body to go through over the course of just more than a year.  Would taxing my body for yet another IVF attempt before I turn 37 be beneficial or would my chances be better if I took 6 months off at that time to rest before starting with my frozen beans?

And while finances are going to stress me out to the max, would the stress of that third cycle of debt lower my chances of success more than having that attempt in the bank will increase them?

Ok folks, please sound off here.  Am I just trying to talk myself out of not going for that third attempt because I'm so terrified of the money that I'm trying to justify it?  Or is this perfectly intelligent reasoning I'm using here and coming to the conclusion that 2 attempts might be better for my family in the long run?

We sit down with the financial department of the clinic tomorrow.  They've set aside an hour so we can really hash this out.  I'll have actual numbers to work with tomorrow.  Tomorrow, it gets REALLY scary.

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