I've figured out what's at the core of all my bitching and moaning about running on empty. I'm an extreme introvert, but I'm never alone.
As an introvert, I need alone time to recharge. That's pretty much the foundation of that personality trait. Being around people is draining. Sometimes it's a good draining, like when you've gone out dancing and come home ready to crash, but other times it's like running for your life before you come home to crash. Raising two babies who aren't yet intellectually stimulating conversationalists, it's like living on a slow treadmill and never getting off. Ever.
Since the girls were born, I have had the house completely to myself exactly once. ONCE. For a few hours, my parents took the girls out, K was at work, and I was furiously installing a new floor. Hardly relaxing or recharging. I go and hide in my pottery studio from time to time, but it's not enough. If you only plug your phone in for 20 minutes at a time, it's never going to be a fully charged battery, and this is the same thing.
Naps are ok. That's like the 20 minute phone charge. They help, but the battery is never getting full. Lately Midde Biddie is having some sucky sleep habits so even during nap time I'm still hearing her whine at me through the monitor for most of it. Since getting up almost 12 hours ago, she's been asleep for 35 minutes today. And just to make sure I'm as annoyed as possible, she fell asleep after Teeny Tiny had already been asleep for nearly 2 hours (!!!) and was just waking up.
My parents come over for one evening every week to give us a break, and that's great. It's much appreciated. But we use that time for date night, so again, I'm not alone and recharging.
As a result of this desperate need for alone time, once the girls are down, I'm hiding behind my computer, so K goes and entertains himself with his, just so I can try and relax a little bit. Then when we go to bed, I'm complaining that I don't feel like I ever interact with him anymore and I'm lonely.
You read that right. I'm complaining about both never being alone and being lonely at the same time.
So that's my problem. That's the stick that's up my butt lately. I'm open to suggestions.
You described my life, too. I get alone time when the babies are asleep during their naps but I have to be so quiet in the house it's not really like being alone (our apartment is so small, sometimes I have to hold my pee so I don't walk past the room too loudly ahhhhh).
ReplyDeleteI try to arrange alone time once a week. I have a babysitter who came in July and is giong to start coming again in September - once a week on Mondays for 4 hours I get to be alone. And I also try to go out once or twice a month on a Sunday during the day by myself. But I don't really want to go *out*, I want to be alone in my house, but that just isn't going to happen for a long time.
(also! when the babies are asleep the cats are like YAY NOW IT IS OUR TURN FOR CONSTANT AFFECTION and I basically feel like I am constantly being touched all day long)
Ditto that... I'm an introvert too. I think that's why I enjoy my blog so much :) I can share, but not have to be on the spot talking. There's a song that my husband says fits me to a tee about "giving you space"... my parents even warned him about me needing space before we got married. Lol.
ReplyDeleteBut with a baby - it's 24/7 and when my husband gets home, we don't have that alone, alone time. So, yeah, I get it. Totally.