Feline headaches

Before I actually start this post, I just want to remind everyone that I'm a good pet owner.  I love my cats, I'm good to my cats, they are well cared for.  I used to work for a cat shelter, K works at a pet store.  We are pet people.

Ok, now onto the post.

Ever since having babies, I fucking hate my cats!!!  Oh....My....God.....Just get out of my fucking way already!  Gah!

Always underfoot.  I can't take a single step around here without watching where I put my foot down to make sure it doesn't land on a cat or a baby.  There is simply no walking in a straight line in this house because a cat is always right where you need to step.  So many of my steps are kind of sweeping steps, gently moving a cat out of my path with my foot.  That is such a pain in the butt when carrying a baby!  I'm glad my cats are so comfortable that they trust they won't get hurt when sprawled out across a doorway, but come on!  See that I'm coming, see that I can't see the floor very well because I'm holding a baby and GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!

Let's meet the offenders.

Buster

Lives outside yet still manages to be in my way.  Ever since Spot and Tyg disappeared, he's taken up residence sprawled across the front door.  Does he get up and skeedaddle when that door opens?  No.  He begrudgingly gets to his feet and keeps himself within inches of my feet as I'm trying to carry a baby to the car.  With every step, I step past him or over him and he scootches forward just enough to be in the way of my next step too.  When I sit outside to get a moment to myself, he's right there, grabbing my leg with his claws to get my attention.  Sometimes he stinks to high heaven and then rubs my legs to make sure the bottom half of my pants are covered in stinky cat hair.

Pebbles

This is our old apartment, years
before babies.  Those swords are
actors props, perfectly safe, but still
hidden away now.

You know I'm getting royally annoyed when this is the cat I'm least irritated by.  She's just creeptastic and very possessive of K.  At night, she starts out being good and being on K's side, but then once he falls asleep, she gets in between us and tries to push me out of bed.  She also likes to lick which I know is affectionate, but it's getting annoying.  She's recently taken to sleeping on the bathmat in front of the shower so on the rare occasion I want to actually shower, it's a major production to get her to move her ass.

Also, I sometimes find a big turd in a random location.  I'm fairly certain she is the perpetrator.  I don't think she does it on purpose, but unpleasant none the less.

Jipsee

Adorable and she knows it.  Only about 6 or 7 lbs, she keeps putting herself in harms way.  She adopted the babies from day 1, will not keep away from them.  We're doing our best to make sure the girls only touch her nicely but it's a battle.  Teeny Tiny is really good about only touching with an open hand, but like every baby, sometimes she hits when she intends to pat.  She finally got a pissed off nip from Jipsee (didn't break the skin, just startled her) and has hopefully learned her lesson.  Shortly thereafter, Middie Biddie grabbed her tail and got meowed at.

Primary annoyances - she sidles up to feet.  Especially on your heels when you're in the kitchen so you trip over her a lot.  Recently she's decided to start climbing on the kitchen counters nibbling at anything left out, including licking the pans on the stove and in the sink.  She's our escape artist.  Every time a door is opened, you have to protect the opening from her zipping past you.  She likes to jump on my desk and park her butt between me and the keyboard and lick a spot on my hand until it's raw.


Shadow

Oh Shadow.  You annoy me and make me feel guilty about it.

Most of his annoying habits are due to a desire for love, and a skittishness about receiving it.  Every evening he decides it's time for us to go to bed and love him, so he parks himself next to our chairs and reaches for our arms with his claws.  He doesn't really claw at us, but he keeps patting us with the claws.  But if you make a move to give him the love he craves, he gets nervous and runs.  Any fast movement and he freaks out, leaping away, and you'd best not be near his paws when he's startled because you will get injured.

He's also the one who started the peeing outside of the litterbox trend.  Now, while that sucks, at least he's consistent about it.  He does it in certain places and if we put down a puppy pad where he likes to pee, he'll pee on that.

He's making sleeping difficult for me even though I know he's trying to be as out of the way as possible.  He's decided that he's going to sleep in the corner of the bed, right above my right shoulder.  Sometimes that's out of the way, but a lot of times it forces me to move my arm or shoulder in such a way that I think he's the reason I have some permanent knots in that shoulder.  No matter how often I kick him out of bed, he's back in that spot within minutes.  Then he headbutts my hand and arm, very firmly, trying to get me to pet him.

And then there was Mayday

I'm so aggravated with this cat right now, I'm seriously considering making him an outside cat.  Then I remember that he wouldn't survive because he's probably too old to learn how to defend himself from the raccoons and various kitty illnesses he doesn't have immunities to and I'm right back to hitting my head against a wall trying to figure out what to do about him.

He is the primary urinator.  There's no predicting it so we can't protect against it.  He is 90% of the reason we're redoing the floors.  He's the reason we can't leave anything fabric on the floor.  He'll pee on piles of clothes in the bathroom, any random blankets he finds, and most recently he's peed in our bed.  Little fuck face.  Every time his urinating behavior changes, we take him to the vet to make sure he doesn't have a UTI (which he's prone to) and we spend $150 to confirm that he's a perfectly healthy asshole.

He's now over 20lbs of complete clod.  He walks all over me and his paws seem to hit the most sensitive spots for him to put all of his weight on.  It's painful.  We didn't have to do a lot of baby proofing of the house because we've had it Mayday proofed for years.  I've been scratched by him a few times when he's snuggling but then gets excited about something across the room and takes off.

He is outrageously fooffy.  The softest cat you'll ever lay a hand on.  But his fur is so fine that when he sheds, it's like velcro sticking to every fabric it comes into contact with.  He's recently decided to start sleeping on the cabinet in our clothing closet so the bottom half of every shirt we own is covered in Mayday fur.

He's also underfoot a lot.  No respect for people walking towards him needing him to move.

The good news is that he's affectionate.  The bad news is that he drools when he's happy and he crawls up between our heads in bed, drooling in my ear with his butt in K's face.
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I'm just sick of the cats at this point.  Partially because at this point, someone is trying to get my affection 24/7.  When the girls are in bed, no longer demanding my attention, the cats all come out and quibble over who gets it.  Sometimes I just want to not be touched.  I love them, but since the girls were born, they're kind of like extended family.  It would be awesome if they could visit, but having them live here is frustrating.