My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

On an upswing

Things for our household have been on a downward trajectory for a while, but after applying a little gumption and stick-to-itiveness, I think we're on the climb back up.

As you may recall, K was feeling down about his career prospects and just general position in life.  While he loves the dad thing and is grateful for a steady job that doesn't outright suck every single day, he was in quite a rut of not doing much of anything other than work and parenting.  Doing a lot of existing, but not a lot of living.

As written about in the last blog post, K and I figured out that a lot of my exhaustion and low self esteem was due to decision fatigue.  He just let's me handle everything and as a result, I'm responsible for everything that goes wrong.  After our talk, things are going a lot better on that front.  It's hard to change a lifetime of habit and way of being, but K is really giving it an effort.  We set up some apps on our phone where we can list tasks that need to be accomplished, either short term or long term, and I'm trusting him a little more to look at it and take ownership of some of them.  As a result, I'm able to relax a little bit and not be so damned on top of everything all the time.  We also decided that he would be responsible for determining bath time for the girls and so far, just when I'm starting to wonder if he's going to remember, he does.  So that's one less thing on my plate.

Along with the household stuff, he's also starting to remember why he got into retail in the first place - to have a flexible schedule to allow him to pursue acting.  Now, with me working part time and being a father (and actually enjoying being a father), doing plays just isn't really in the cards right now.  That's simply too much time commitment that we don't have.  But I found a couple of opportunities for him and while I had to pull him kicking and screaming into following up on those opportunities, it looks like they are going to work out pretty well.

The first is a temporary gig - acting as Santa for video chats with kids.  Parents send in the information like the kids name, age, the things to be proud of, the things to work on, and K will then make a video greeting card type thing as Santa that encompasses all of that information for that child.  It's actually pretty damned cool.

The other seems to be more long term - he's been hired as a wedding MC at one of the larger DJ companies in the area!  He'll soon start shadowing other MC's for training, and then he'll be able to book gigs throughout the year.  How awesome is that?!  A little extra income, my social butterfly can stretch his wings, exercise those performance muscles, and when you put yourself out in front of people, who knows what person with what additional opportunity might see you.

It's K's turn.  When we first got together, we decided I would support him for a time while he pursued his dreams.  Then after a while, he supported me while I pursued mine.  That sounds wrong, that sounds like one person does all the work while the other goes flitting around doing whatever they feel like doing.  No, neither one of us has the personality that would allow us to drop all responsibility, but rather it's about who's goals are the focus for a few years.  It's been my turn for far too long, it's K's turn again.  Until the girls are in school full time, he needs to focus on making some headway on getting where he wants to go.

As for me, my job is working out pretty well.  The boss is really flexible and seems very happy with me as an employee.  We are discussing the possibility and logistics of me being able to do some of the work at home.  There's not a whole lot that can be done remotely just because of the nature of the work, but we might be able to work out a way to put in an hour or so every day from home so I'm only really needed on site for one full day a week.  Or maybe I can do some of the reports in the morning at home and then drive in after rush hour to cut my commute time in half.  It's a work in progress and I'm just glad I have the kind of boss who's open to considering such things that will make life easier for me.  If it works out, it means much less time away from home OR the same amount of time away from home, but earning money for a few more hours per week.  Either way, win!

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