My Story

The chronicle of the journey from infertility, to miscarriage, to finally raising twin girls born in June 2012.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

We all have those moments

On blogs, it's so easy to think that the writer is awesome all the time or overcoming some major obstacle because we tend to only write about the great little things or the horrible big things.

But that's not daily life.  I'm a big fan of the minutiae of daily life.  The little things that happen every day that aren't anything worth writing home about, those are the things that truly create a life.

So I offer you a bit of minutiae about my day today where I started off being kind of crappy, but I think I recovered well.

I have a medical bill sitting on my desk taunting me.  My husbands insurance now has this credit card thing that you can use to cover copays and other out of pocket medical expenses from some sort of account.  A flexible spending account I guess.  I haven't used this card yet and the bill that's taunting me doesn't have a means of paying via credit card online and it's kind of a large bill.  So I wanted to call and double check that I can fill out the credit card info and mail it in and to see if there was enough money in the account to cover it.
I got far enough into the phone call to find out that yes, I can do that and I was trying to listen to the various prompts to find out if there was enough money in the account so I could go ahead and do that.  That's when Middie Biddie started whining at me and trying to crawl on me.  I tried to set her down and separate myself but had to have the prompts read to me again, and I was getting frustrated at trying to do one thing while she was pulling and whining at me to do another so I gave up and hung up the phone.

I was so pissed off!  I started to yell at her "I can't even finish a fucking phone call because of you!!!!"  The words "I can't..." got out of my mouth before I stopped myself.  Yes, I was pissed, yes I wanted to release that anger by yelling at the source of my anger, but she didn't deserve to be yelled at so I stopped and walked away.  It's ok.  I can make the phone call again during her nap.  It's fine.

So yeah.  This blogger gets pissed off.  This blogger has moments where some of that pissed off escapes.  This blogger pulled it back and walked away before more could get out.  Not a shining moment of parenting but not a horrible one either.  Just another moment that we all have, no one bothers to really mention, but is a part of life.

It's nap time.  I have a phone call to make again.


  1. Well, that is pretty awesome! I cannot always hold back. How did you do it? How did you stop yourself?

  2. Awesome mom blogger response - I realized that my response would have an emotional impact and hurt her oh so much, break the trust and bond between mother and child, blah blah unicorn farts blah. By walking away, I teach her the valuable lesson that whining doesn't get rewarded, it makes you lonely, in a compassionate and loving way, rainbows, sunshine and butterfly kisses.

    Real response - She was already upset and pissing me off and it flashed in my head that if I yelled, her whining would blow up into full blown tantrum so the whole thing would get that much worse for me. I walked away to get away from the nails on the chalkboard whining and the toes in my thighs wrestling that she's been plaguing me with for weeks. It was one of those moments like where you stop yourself from punching the wall because it's going to hurt your hand and that would suck even worse than whatever made you want to punch the wall.

  3. See that is still pretty awesome, that you could think ahead a couple minutes.. Thanks :)


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