No news is good news

Haven't been around much because I've had nothing to report.

If I get through today, I'll have one full week of no bleeding.  I've gone the arrogant route and I haven't worn any kind of pad or pantyliner in days!  I'm loving it!

I was looking at one of my ultrasound pics and I swear there's the beginnings of a face in there.  What do you think?

Kind of looks like a slavine from Dr. Who but with more forehead.

Latest in lovely pregnancy symptoms - constipation!  Weeeeeeeee!

Ok, this is one of the reasons I'm pretty sure there's at least one boy in there.  With the girls, my tastebuds wanted vegetables.  Lots and lots of veggies.  This time, all dairy, all the time.  Looks like I'll be stocking up on spinach, eating a few prunes, and cutting down on the cheese.  Cracklin oat bran for breakfast this morning.  I might skip my prenatal today too because of all the iron it contains.  I've just really gotta loosen up what's going on down there.

I think we're all still here

Fun, fun weekend.  The bleeding started, and it stopped.  I sighed in relief, so it started again.  It now appears to have stopped again.

It wasn't fun, but it wasn't the worst it's been either.  I was expecting a whole lot more.  I guess I must have absorbed a portion of it before it actually bled.

But as far as I can tell, everything should be fine.  I'm having some stretching discomforts in the very bottom of the belly and some constant pressure on my bladder so I always feel like I just finished a gallon of water, even when my bladder is empty.  It's really uncomfortable, but I'll take it.  If things are stretching, that can only mean that things are growing and need the extra room.  Things don't grow if they aren't ok anymore so I'm taking this as a sign that everyone still has a heartbeat and everyone is getting bigger.

Symptoms at 8w4d

• Always feel like I've drunk too much water.  And like the weight of the fluid is pulling my abdomen down.
• Minor stretching pains throughout the abdomen.  Pain is almost too strong a word.
• Feeding has officially moved to the a few bites at a time, a lot of times throughout the day pattern.  I've told K to just cook dinner for himself and expect me to eat a few bites of his rather than have him cook for 2.
• Still don't feel like I'm sleeping soundly.  But I'm sleeping more than usual.
• Lots of dreaming.
• I'm loving satsuma oranges.  I usually hate oranges.  But those are sweet and don't have seeds and I want more.  I think it's the citric acid that I'm finding so appealing.
• I'm constantly going to the bathroom but I'm not sure if it counts.  I'm doing it more to wipe and see if there's anything there that shouldn't be there rather than to pee.  I've stopped flushing the toilet unless there's a significant reason to do so.  It was getting ridiculous flushing the toilet for 3 drops of urine and a piece of toilet paper all day.
• My nose is full.  And I'm waking up with a really full yet dry nose which kind of makes for a sore throat until I get up and hydrated again.

Symptoms that have faded

• Don't seem to be dealing with nausea much anymore.
• Those major pulling twinges in the very first weeks are pretty much gone.
• I have a little more brain power than I did those first couple of weeks, but I wouldn't say it's all back.
• Boobs are generally fine and normal for me at the moment.

So that's where I am right now.  I'm hoping to steal an ultrasound picture from them on Wednesday.  Apparently they don't give them out anymore, but if I bring in a flash drive, they might transfer some over.  My doctor said they don't normally do that but with everything I've been dealing with, I've kind of earned it.  But it will be a different doctor on Wednesday than usual at the clinic so we'll see if this doctor agrees.  If not, I have my first OB appointment the following week and I've requested another ultrasound, ya know, cuz of the bleeding, so hopefully I'll get one from them.

As much as I'd like to say I'm done with the bleeding, I think it's reasonable to assume it's going to happen again.  It's been happening every 3-5 days for the last 3 weeks so I think I have to assume that this is going to be a fairly regular thing for the time being.  

Still standing

Not much to report but you've all shown so much concern (thank you!) that I feel I should give everyone an update.

For the last 24 hours or so, I would describe any discharge or blood when I wipe to be of the "residue" category.  Brown, not much there, but it's consistently there.

I'm still doing the endometrin so I CONSTANTLY feel like I'm leaking.  I'm trying to limit myself to 1 wiping check per hour because any more than that and I'm going to wipe myself raw and that's a whole other category of discomfort.

Told one of my bosses today that I'm not going to be working for a while.  The doctors said it was fine to do pottery, but I also noticed that on the days I did nothing, no bleeding.  On the days I spent a lot of time at the wheel, bleeding.  So doctors be damned, I'm not doing it until I feel somewhat secure again.

However, my video work is picking up.  I currently have 2 video shoots scheduled for this week and the company that I get the gigs through called me to see if they could book another one on Thursday for me.  That's fine, but they need to call the clients and make the schedules work, I don't want to deal with that.  I know that sounds like work, but really, it's not that strenuous.  I interview someone on camera for a half hour and then I film them doing what they do for 45 minutes or so.  The rest is spent sitting at my computer putting it together.  I'm kind of looking forward to the one on Friday, it's a go-kart racing place.  So there should actually be some fun stuff to shoot.

In pregnancy symptom news, most of it has faded away.  Currently 7 weeks 4 days.

• My digestion always has a general "not right" feeling to it.  A little on the hungry side, a little on the full side, a little on the queasy side, it can't really decide what side it wants to be on so it's on all of them at once.  But only a little.  
• When I get hungry, I become starving all of a sudden.  
• Oh!  Spent about 5 minutes last night sitting in front of the toilet wondering if I was going to have a repeat performance of Thanksgiving morning.  We really need to sweep the bathroom floor.  
• I don't really get cramps anymore, but rather the occasional odd gurgle.  
• Shoulders and upper back burn most of the time.  Don't know if that's a pregnancy thing or not.  
• I seem to be low grade tired all the time, but never solidly sleep.  I seem to be up peeing all the time, or just on the verge of being awake at any given moment.  I don't feel like I'm really soundly sleeping.
• It still has no dawned on me that there's a chance I'll make it past 10 weeks.  I'm not sure why.  On the other hand, I can't fully picture going through a miscarriage either.  So I have no hunches as to what's going to happen with this pregnancy.  For once, I simply can't figure out the future.

For the most part, I sit here, just kind of holding still because I'm afraid to jostle anything loose, playing cards on the computer, feeling like I'm leaking, and waiting until the hour goes by so I can see if it's endometrin goo or blood flowing into my underwear.  Real exciting life I've got going on here.

Question about bleeding while pregnant - if the cervix is closed, how does the blood escape?  Isn't that like trying to pour water out of a bottle with the lid screwed on?

Ultrasound tomorrow.

Bloggin 'Bout Da Boobies

My boobies are starting to fascinate me.

They've decided that they want to be round now and about a half cup bigger.  If they were generally bigger and rounder, I might actually get some cleavage.  While they've got some impressive mass to them (I am a fat girl after all), all that mass is kind of far apart so a cleavage line takes quite a bit of leaning forward, like on my hands and knees, or a roll of duct tape.  But no.  My boobs have decided to add all of their extra side and roundness to the outside of the boob, giving them the appearance of being even farther apart and they're trying to take up residence in my armpits.

They've also decided to get this weird feeling as if there are needles dancing inside of them.

I've got a little bit of soreness, but nothing that makes me truly wince.

K is both loving and really hating this change.  He's loving that I come up to him, lift my shirt, and ask "are these bigger than yesterday?  No really, put your hand there, they aren't usually that round are they?"  But he's kind of hating that because we're abstaining and because they're a little sore, he can't do a damned thing with said boobies.  He inspects visually, double checks size and shape with his hands, and then he has to go back to video games on the computer.

Yeah, I'm a bitch.

5w6d

Thanks guys

I really appreciate all of you showing your support after I got a sucky comment.  I want to personally thank all of you who have come out of the lurking woodwork to say hi, to let me know that you're here, and to offer your well-wishes for my current pregnancy.  It's so nice to meet all the new names, and I hope you'll stay delurked!

It feels really weird to say I'm pregnant, current pregnancy, etc etc.  I'm not even five weeks along until tomorrow so it just still seems so tentative.  I almost feel like I ain't got no pregnancy cred until I reach 10 weeks or something.  Until then, I'm not really, really pregnant, I'm just kinda sorta maybe pregnant.

Except that my sleep habits are totally different, my taste buds started to shift today (white mochas are becoming gross again), my abdomen is just panging here and squeezing there from time to time, my nose is completely full so I'm sneezing, my back hurts, and I'm now likely to fall asleep if I sit on the couch too long.

Oh yeah, and the great abstinence experience as begun.  I've mentioned this before, but here's what's up for those who are unaware.

During my last pregnancy, every orgasm lead to extremely painful cramps.  To the point that I pretty much lost all my mojo.  It's hard to want to get to the sexual finish line when you're going to be kicked in the gut immediately after crossing it.  And we lost the last pregnancy due to infection.  So even though we're pretty sure we would be told it's ok, neither K nor I can feel good about having a second persons germs anywhere near my general panty area.  So the intention of the next 9 months (plus birthing recovery time) is to keep my panties on regardless of what activities we may wish to engage in.

I'm usually a zero libido kind of gal so this didn't bother me at all.  But now that we're there, now that we're abstaining........methinks we may need to revisit this idea cuz it's not sitting as well with me that I expected it to.

*sigh*  I think I'll go chew some ice or something.

Very early pregnancy symptoms

When I was a kid, I was one hell of a hypochondriac.  When I was in Jr High, the school nurse even called me out on it.  And ever since, I'm almost afraid to admit to any physical discomforts for fear that I'm imagining them or somehow exaggerating them in my mind.  So I'm often asking the people closest to me "am I really this tired?"  "Am I running a little slower than usual or am I imagining it?"

And considering how many of us infertiles have studied up on very early pregnancy symptoms in the desperate hope that we can manufacture them into being, I'm very shy to say that I'm having pregnancy symptoms so early.

But I am.

I'm 10dp5dt or 15dpo.

I'm tired.  I took a nap today which I haven't done in quite a while.  Maybe it's because my Starbucks was decaf, but I don't think that was the only factor.

I'm spacey as all get out.  I'm only half aware of what's going on around me, and my social filter is just completely off.  I realize halfway through a sentence that what I'm saying is of no interest or relevance to the person I'm randomly blathering at.

My stomach is heavy.  Especially when laying on my side.  It feels like it's being unnaturally pulled towards the bed.

When I stand up, there's something pinched in my abdomen that kind of hurts as it restretches itself out.

Starting to get a little bit nauseous at night.  It's not horrible, just like a light car sickness.  I didn't puke at all with my girls so I'm really surprised to have any nausea hitting me this early.  I slept with my hair back in braids last night and a bucket bedside in case of sudden pukage.

I'm cold.  I never get cold but now I'm cold and huddling up under the covers at night.

I'm irritable.  K is a wonderful guy, but he kind of sucks at telling stories.  He focuses on pointless details at the beginning of the story, pausing to try to remember them, and 5 minutes in, I'm still waiting to get to the meat of what it is he's telling me about.  I've really been snapping at him today when he does this, and other times too.  I'm not being very nice.

The boobs are a little sore, if I push them around to see if they're sore.  But since I never really push them around when I don't think I'm pregnant, I don't know if they're more sore than usual, or if they just don't like being pushed around.

I'm friggin hungry.  I normally snack all day and never really feel hungry, but I'm really feeling it now.  I woke up just starving this morning.  And all of my meals are about double in size what I would normally eat.

• Food tip 1 - get a whole bunch of protein bite type foods.  We got beef jerky, pepperoni sticks (yes, I'm allowed to eat these), baby bell cheeses, mozzarella whips, stuff like that.  Cuz when I'm HUNGRY, I ain't wasting time cooking, I just need to grab and eat.

• Food tip 2 - when you do make a dinner, make enough for a lot of leftovers.  A serving of casserole hits the spot just right in that new meal you have to eat between lunch and dinner.

Guys, I'm feeling more pregnant, much earlier, than I did with the girls.  I'm actually starting to get really nervous that I might have more than 2 in here and I might have to make some hard decisions.  I can't carry more than 2.  We already know that I'm almost certainly going to get gestational diabetes.  And a healthy pregnancy with more than twins is so rare, I just can't handle the risks.  Please pray to whatever you believe in to give me 2 healthy fetuses and if there are more at the moment, to please have nature make the decision for me naturally before I know of their existence via ultrasound.