Doctor Part Deux

Met with my new doctor again today.

First things first, all my tests came back really good.  I'm 35, but I'm having the pregnancy of a 25-year-old.  And the risk rate of all sorts of problems has dropped to practically nil.  So, yay!

But when we last met the doctor, I wasn't so sure that I liked him.  He seemed to have the impression that I'm one of those hyper-scared, incredibly high maintenance new moms.  While of course I have concerns and curiosities, I like to think that I'm fairly low-key about it and can usually tell the difference between unpleasant symptom that I have to live through and a scary symptom that requires medical care.

Now, we kind of think he might have gotten this impression because when we first met, my husband kind of grilled him with a bunch of interview questions out of a book.  This is not our usual MO but the doc had no way of knowing that.

For our appointment today, it was just a 20 minute chat session with no tests to do.  Just an opportunity to ask questions and stuff.  The problem was, we didn't really have any questions. 

When I got my tests last week, I did ask quickly about how much weight I should expect to gain and how to recognize if I start gaining way too much.  There are very few guides that give you any range of numbers when you are starting your pregnancy already overweight and you're pregnant with twins.  Wanted to make sure I didn't get carried away with the weight gain and blame it on the kids when I need to be dialing back on the cookies.  For the record, he said 11-15lbs.  Works for me since I lost about 15lbs last summer.  But that mini-consultation was kind of a drive-by answer.  The ultrasound tech tossed him that question quickly while he was running between other people and he opted to stick his head in the door and answer the question personally rather than just give the tech the numbers to deliver.  So points for that.

Anyway, last night we tried to get a few questions together.  Especially since our appointment was at 8am and there was no way I would remember anything at that time of morning without having it in writing.  So I asked about the things I saw my friend concerned with during her pregnancy (blood pressure, blood sugar levels) and said that no one had mentioned those things to me so is there anything I need to know that I haven't been told yet?  I asked if there were any surprising and alarming symptoms coming up in trimester 2 that I shouldn't panic about if they happen.  I asked about what tests would be coming up next.

His answers were pretty darned low-key.  Very much the attitude that as long as I don't really do anything in the extreme, things would be fine.  He's seen people eat the stuffing out of teddy bears and rolls of toilet paper due to PICA issues so if I ate a cookie or some ice cream every now and then, it didn't worry him much. And that they will be checking for gestational diabetes and stuff at around 28 weeks and if there's an issue, we'll deal with it then.  And there was quite a bit of joking around.  I think he has a better idea of who we are and has relaxed a bit when dealing with us.

So I like him better today than I did before.

And at breakfast after the appointment, K asked if I noticed his shoes.  Uh, no.  Well, they are quite long and a weird style I'm not accustomed to seeing, but no, didn't really notice anything.  So K said that his shoes were scuffed and worn out.  While his hair might all be in place, this is clearly a man who is on his feet all day working.  That's a good thing.

I want S

Still a bit unsure about how I feel about my doctor and whether or not I should try to find someone else that I click with better.  But I have another appointment with him in a few days so we'll see how I feel after that.

What I really want is one of the nurses from the fertility clinic.  She was awesome.  Says the "wrong" things on purpose the same way I do, has a total attitude that I click with.  We didn't interact a whole lot, but I was always really glad when she happened to be on duty during my appointments.

I just get the impression that for the important stuff, she would listen to me and make sure what I wanted got done, but if she were to tell me that I can't have what I want because of whatever reason, I would listen to her.  She's got some ball-buster in her and that's kind of what I need cuz I tend to go wimpy around doctors.  And since she's in the medical profession, she'd probably think of questions that I wouldn't and could act as a bit of an interpreter.

And even though the doctors office insists that I can call them about anything, I tend not to call a doctors office unless it's something really important.  There's all of those little questions that pop up that aren't important enough to interrupt the doctors day, but that I'd still like to get an answer to.  I kind of feel like she was someone I could call with that kind of little stuff.

Friends are telling me I should contact her and see if she would be interested in being my doula or something.  I know it doesn't hurt to ask, no one is ever insulted by being wanted, but she has a full time job and her job tends to be over once the pregnancy starts.  I dunno.  I might contact her, I might not.  It just seems really awkward.  But whenever anyone asks me who I want at the delivery and who do I want to be involved in all of this, I always go back to "I want S."  I've been pretty consistent about this thought both when I'm rational and when I'm doing the emotional whiny thing.

I guess the least awkward thing would be to send her a link to this post.  That way she can be complimented at being wanted without being put on the spot by being asked for an obligation.  And since we'll likely never cross paths again unless we make an effort to, she can simply not respond and no awkwardness on either side.

So, S, I would really like you to be involved in my pregnancy for the next 6 months in some way, as much or as little as you would be comfortable with.  And I'd really like you to be there for the delivery.  As much as I trust my husband to be there for me, he's going to be becoming a father for the first time so he's kinda gonna have his own shit going on at that moment and I could really use a ball-buster on my side.  Is there any way, shape, or form in which I can have you as a part of all of this?

My new doctor

I have an issue with doctors.  And I know not all doctors deserve me to have issue with them, I've just had a few bad experiences.

It started with my gyno when I was a teenager.  We tested and tried for years to get that woman to diagnose why I had very few or no periods at all.  We would insist that a lack of or erratic periods were the symptom, and she would say that they weren't the symptom, they just were.  So the cause of my not having periods was that I just didn't have periods.  I desperately tried to get a reason out of her.  A hormone imbalance?  Did I just not ovulate very often?  WHY were my periods so few?  She just refused to come up with a cause and insisted that the symptom itself was the cause.

And being a fat woman, I'm often dismissed.  My problems are because of my weight.  While I agree to some extent, I can tell the difference between a fat problem and some other problem thank you very much.  I don't bother a doctor for a fat induced problem because I figure it's just my own damned fault and I kind of deserve whatever is bugging me.  So I get really irritated when a doctor barely looks at me, doesn't listen, and goes straight into the diet and nutrition routine.

I now have a really awesome GP by the way.  So I'm not completely prejudiced.  I do recognize a good doctor when I find one.

And after my appointment today with my new OB, I'm not sure what I think.  It's clear he's very qualified.  He used to specialize in extremely problematic pregnancies (from crack addicts and the like) and he's cared for and delivered more twins than he can count, so someone as simple as me will be a walk in the park for him.

But I dunno.  Just kinda seemed, like he was listening for keywords in my questions so he could access his database for the answers.  I mean, on the outside, he was listening and was addressing my concerns very specifically, but yeah, I dunno.  He wasn't exactly in a rush to get out the door, but I didn't get that warm, fuzzy, I really want to get to know my new patient feeling from him either.

It's possible that I have a handsome prejudice.  He's rather good looking, slick black hair.  I saw him pass by a few times when I was in the waiting room, and I was kind of hoping that wasn't him because he had that slick lawyer look to him.  Not that I dislike lawyers, my dad was a lawyer and now a judge and he's awesome, but I'm stereotyping here so just go with it.

I tend to associate handsome with conceited, arrogant jerk.  And the last thing I want my doctor to have is an ego.  If any professional has an ego, they are limited by their own knowledge.  If they don't have an ego, they have access to the knowledge of everyone around them and every resource available because they will immediately consult and ask.  So I'd rather have a new guy with no ego than an old pro with a big ego.

So even though the doctor didn't display any of these negative qualities, my prejudices are preventing me from feeling 100% happy with him after my appointment today.

K disagrees.  He got all of the answers to questions that he wanted and felt that the doctor was just great.  I'm hoping I feel that way after my next appointment in a couple of weeks but we'll see.