Implant Day

Today was the big day.  The day we implant the embryos.  And things are going about as well as they could possibly go.

I start my morning by waking up about 5 minutes before my alarm goes off.  I hit the bathroom and empty my bladder and insert my morning medication.  Then I hit the shower so that those who are about to have their noses in my naughty bits are as least offended as possible.  Then I start refilling my bladder because I'm supposed to be really uncomfortable for this.

I've got my big water cup, an extra bottle of water in my purse, and we get some Starbucks and then Mcdonalds on the way.  I had to.  I'm never out and about early enough for hashbrowns so on the rare occasion that I am, I always hit McDonalds for hashbrowns!

We get there about a half hour early.  You never know what traffic and parking are going to be like in Seattle but we got really lucky and got there faster than expected.  We check in, I get my hospital style bracelet which states that a doctor I've never met will be performing the procedure, and then we hang out in the waiting room, sucking down water with other awkward couples.  We all know why we're all there, but not a word is being spoken by anyone.  I'm trying to chat with K to pass the time as we look over news stories on our phones, but no matter how quiet I talk, there's a silent audience and I feel like I'm shouting.

So they call me in to the transfer room and I get the general breakdown of what's going to happen and I'm told to strip down and get on the table, they'll be back in a moment.  So I get my bottom half all naked and the technician (nurse?) comes back in all apologetic, they aren't ready for me yet.  They thought I was the 11am appointment but I'm the 11:30 appointment and they need me to head back to the waiting room.

Ok, you guys will be oh so proud of this moment.  I literally stood up, bent over showing her my bare butt and said "I moon you in disapproval!"  Fortunately, she had a good sense of humor and I got dressed and headed back to the waiting room.  Of course people kind of have that question on their faces so I just politely announce to the room "They were just kidding" and we take our seats again.

Now the front desk receptionist tells me that they are running about 20 minutes behind, is that going to be a problem for my full bladder?  Well, at that moment, it wasn't a problem.  But about 15 minutes later, I get up and ask how long it's going to be because things are getting a little more dire and I'm quite a bit more ready to do this than I was earlier. 

They are able to get me back into the room a few minutes later and I talk with another technician (nurse?  seriously, I don't know their titles) about the quality of our embryos.

We thawed our 2 grade three embryos and our last embryo (grade four) is still frozen for future use.  Both embryos survived the thaw perfectly so we didn't have to make any last minute decisions about whether or not to thaw the last one.

And she is going on and on about how they are just beautiful, couldn't have asked them to look any better.  Simply stellar.  If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn they were fresh and never went through the freezing process.  You can see in the picture that there are lots of cells and the cells are trying to push out of the primary wall.  Apparently, that's the hatching process.  You can literally see the cells hatching out of the eggs and breaking that wall so they can grow even more.

They do an ultrasound to check my bladder and I've been a little TOO good at making sure it was full.  I'm asked to go to the bathroom with a paper cup and fill it up to the logo, then dispose of the urine down the toilet as usual.  So I go and do this, really afraid that once the flow starts, I won't be able to stop it.  But despite my fears, I excel at emptying just the proper amount.  Oh yeah, I'm awesome.  Can't wait to see that skill on a resume.

To my surprise, my doctor actually comes in and I'm very confused.  Apparently he's working with the other doctor today and they just decided to have him do the procedure.

And up in the stirrups I go.  K is in a chair about 5 feet behind me so I ask him to scoot up and hold my hand.  Call me crazy, but I'd just really like to be in physical contact with my husband at the moment our kids are conceived.

We watch stuff on the monitor while the doctor preps my bits.  You think a cold speculum is annoying?  Too hot is more uncomfortable.  They show us the embryos being sucked up into the catheter so we're able to see them squirming around under the microscope on the big screen.  And they are wiggly.  I don't remember my last embryos being wiggly, but these are just wiggling up a storm like they are desperate to get big enough to run around.

Is there some reason why I can't ever feel a catheter?  Are they just inserted somewhere that doesn't have any nerve endings or something?

Anyway, we see them drop off the embryos into my uterus on the big screen, but it's a standard ultrasound view so it's basically a big ball of fuzzy with a fuzzy line entering and exiting the picture.

And that's it!  They set a timer for 15 minutes and I have to lie on that bed until the timer goes off.  As soon as it does, I can head to the bathroom and we are homeward bound.  I'm told that I'm not on bedrest, but I should just be generally lazy or a day or two.

At home, I'm on the couch watching TV, and my big orange kitty, the kitty that became obsessed with me when I was pregnant before, he decides that he's going to watch tv with me.  Correction, ON me.  He rarely sits next to one of us when we're on the couch, but today he climbed right onto my belly, kneaded a bit, and snuggled in.  And even after I had to get up and get the phone, when I got back to the couch, he jumped right back on me.  A good sign perhaps?

What is this I'm experiencing?  Could it be....oh I dunno, hope perhaps?  Hmmmm, I don't want to declare anything quite so definitive, but hmmmmm.

Vivelle Dots

Quick tip of the day - If anyone else has to use Vivelle Dots, the medicated patches, that scrapbooking stuff called Goo Gone (and other generic adhesive removers) works just as well on skin as it does on other surfaces.  That sticky crap stayed on my skin no matter how much I hit it with soap in the shower but the adhesive remover took it off really quick.

This is the stuff I've been using.
UN-DU Adhesive Remover - 4oz Bottle

Closing in

Only 3 more days until we transfer embryos.

In the bank we have 1 grade four embryo and 2 grade threes.  We intend to thaw the 2 grade threes and as long as one of them looks good, we'll leave grade four in the bank so we can try for a second child a few years later.  So it's possible we'll only be transferring one embryo (depending on what survives the thaw).

K wanted to continue thawing until we had 2 strong embryos, even if it meant thawing all of them so we have our best shot at getting pregnant on this round.  But I disagreed.  This FET is a mediocre hand, a pair of sevens and I'd rather go all in on a full house.  If we fail this attempt, we can move on to a fresh round in September.  That will probably get us pregnant, AND it will bank some more young embryos for a second child when I'm about 40.  To me, that's our best chance of growing old with two children.  If I get pregnant on this round, it's quite possible that the one child is the only one we'll get.

After discussion, we've decided to go with my plan.  We only thaw the last embryo if the other two don't survive and we need that third one in order to implant anything. 

Of course, with K, sometimes it's hard to tell if he's actually come to agree with me, or if he's simply decided to let me have my way. 

I'm hoping the whole argument will be completely moot because the both the grade threes will thaw perfectly and be really strong.  In a truly perfect world, both embryos will take, we'll get a set of boy/girl twins and still have a roll of the dice in the bank if we decide to try for a third later.  But how often do things work out perfectly?

*TMI Time* 

We're done with the lupron, so I'm hoping to slowly climb back to a better mood.  But now I've got these vaginal pills that I have to take 3 times a day.  I don't like them!  It seems like the second one I take every day dissolves and it seems to gurgle right back out of me and I feel like I've wet my pants.  I can't figure out what the liquid is but it's thin like water so I'm wearing pads every day.  And if this works, I'll be taking those until my 10th week of pregnancy.  And at night, I have to include a 4th pill up the yin yang.  That one is blue and when it dissolves, well, when you're bleary eyed and doing your morning pee, it's a little startling to wipe blue.

Just a warning, if I have really really good news in 2 weeks, odds are I'm going to be more upset than happy about it.  It's probably not going to be "oh boy, I'm pregnant!" but rather "Oh boy, let's see if this sticks."  And that will likely last until I can feel movement every day.

Entry points

We're 10 days before implant, and I have medications entering my body in almost every which way available.

I'm taking medication orally
I'm taking medication vaginally
I have hormone patches on my skin
I'm getting injections

Let's play a game.  How many medication delivery methods can you think of that aren't being utilized?  So far, I can identify three -

Nasal
Suppository
Ear drops

If you can identify a fourth (or beyond), I'll send you a coupon code for 15% off your purchase at my pottery store.

** Update **

We have our first two entries!

Alyssa has won a 15% coupon with "Eye Drops"!  Email me from the Contact Alex page and I'll send you the coupon code.

Becki - hmmmmmm, is an IV different enough from Injection to count as a whole new delivery method?  I think I'm going to have to call in the judge on this one.  K, your thoughts?

K here - Technically an IV is injecting the medication through a needle the same way a regular injection is.  So technically, it is not much different than the syringes we're using.  But I like your thinking so I'm making Alex give you a 10% off discount.

Alex again - Becki, look for my message on Artfire with your coupon code.

Anyone else have any ideas?

**Update 2**

Hmmm after consulting with our judge, we're gonna say that no, inhalers and nebulizers fall into the "Nasal" category and lotions actually enter the body the same way as the patches - absorbed through the skin.

Ugh, Lupron

It's only day 2 of Lupron and I'm already feeling crappy.  I remember this from my first IVF attempt.  The stuff makes me feel overwhelmed, low, depressed, hopeless.  At least I have the knowledge that I'm feeling this way due to the Lupron and it's temporary.  But I'm not enjoying it while I'm living it.

The Lottery Ticket Round of FET

As reported last night, my body has decided to have a schedule all it's own.  I was planning on starting this process again in a couple of weeks but MEB (My Evil Body) has decided that I'm starting tonight.

Medications are being ordered.  Have to hit the pharmacy to pick up my birth control pills today (because that's how it ironically starts).

I'm calling this The Lottery Ticket Round.  I don't know exactly what I'm rooting for here.  If I get pregnant from this, yay!  If I don't, I can do a fresh round in a couple of months and hopefully get pregnant from that as well as some extra embryos for a chance at a second child later.  I'd almost be sad that I won't get the opportunity to bank more embryos this summer if I'm pregnant.  So, uh, win-win?

At the moment (subject to change of course), I'm not as emotionally invested in this attempt as I was and will be for other attempts.

And now for the musical song stylings of OK Go which is stuck in my head for some odd reason.

Because my body has no sense of calendars

Another slightly graphic topic I'm writing about tonight.  You have been warned.

Our plan was to induce a period and expect it on the second week of February.  Then induce another period and expect that to arrive the second week of March.

That March cycle was going to be the start of our FET fun and frivolity.  We'd do the transfer in Mid April and probably find out the results during the merry merry first week of May which includes our anniversary, both of our birthdays, and our girls original due date. 

The goals with this schedule had a few different purposes:

1. Give my body at least one full cycle to clean itself out and calm itself down before we start pumping it full of hormones again.
2. Give my emotions a little extra time to settle down so I'm not crying all the friggin time.
3. To go into that horrible horrible first week of May either having something to celebrate, or just stacking our next disappointment on top of the grief we'll already be dealing with.  Ya know, be efficient about being upset.

And my period is responding with it's usual cooperativeness.  I took the medications to induce and then.....nothing.  Should have started the ended the second week of Feb.

But it was not to be.  So I refill my prescription so I can start another round on March 1.  And as my darling K is at the drugstore picking up said prescription, I go potty and pull away a lovely wad of mucousy pinkish toilet paper. 

What the frak is that supposed to be????

My periods tend to be so light, that if I get one bloody wipe, we say that counts and we move on.  But this wasn't even a real wipe of blood.  Just mucous tinged pink to give a slight indication that some blood might be mixed in with that icky discharge.  And I've just taken pregnancy tests (just to make sure nothing happened during our grieving time) and nope, I'm not pregnant so it's not a new and funky pregnancy discharge.

In the morning I will be getting blood drawn and we'll find out if I'm starting my FET a couple of weeks early.  I really did want to go through one full cycle before trying again but clearly my uterus has some mystery calendar that it's working with where 5-10 days until your period should start = 3-4 weeks until your period should start.

I wasn't mentally prepared to start all of this damned rigmarole again this week.  I was just starting to think "okey dokey, let's get geared up to start this again in 2 weeks".

Assuming I start all of this again tomorrow (week one is just birth control pills, it's week 2 that gets interesting), that means we'll be learning whether or not it's successful in mid April.  If that's successful, that puts my fear moment (the week 19 mark) approximately on my parents anniversary, and the approximate due date at, oh, I dunno, the anniversary of losing my girls?  A few days before Christmas??

Argh.  I hope I get to start again tomorrow because I do want to be pregnant again as soon as possible.  On the other hand, that's not the best of calendars really.  Poor kid would have a Christmastime birthday.

Ah the dance of mixed emotions.  Would anyone care to tango?