H1 Cleared - Beta 1

I've just cleared my first hurdle.  I've got my first beta number.  And here's what's really freaky, that number is 265.  On this day with my twins, my beta was 266.

I KNOW, RIGHT??

It is actually, realistically possible that this blog can reclaim its original purpose - to document the experience of first time parents to twins.

Ok, the dream isn't realized yet.  We still have a few more hurdles to get through (more betas over the week) before we can see on an ultrasound if we're looking at 1 or 2.  Next hurdle is on Sunday, Nov 6 with the next beta numbers.

But for right now, right this moment, it's still realistic that it might actually be twins again.  And even if it's not, I'm very definitely, firmly pregnant at the moment.

And I think this bears repeating -

Staring at sticks

It's almost like if I don't check in on things every couple of hours, they might disappear.  So I just keep peeing on sticks to make sure shit's still happening in there.  And then I agonize over whether or not the line looks lighter or fainter than the last test.

I think we had a decent showing on day 4, it kind of faded a bit on day 5, and now it's starting to come back on days 6 and 7.  So maybe we had some splitters in there that are now reducing to a reasonable number of babies.    That would be really swell.  I desperately want twins, but I don't want to be in the position of choosing which two I'm going to keep due to selective reduction.

Of course, this is all just WILD conjecture.  A girl's gotta keep herself occupied!  Here is the stick pile I've been looking at.  Feel free to come up with your own theories as to what's happening in my uterus.  Oh don't judge me, several of you have this very same collection, I'm just admitting it.

Other early symptoms reports:

My dreams are going nuts.  Last night I was on some major cruise, I think for someone's wedding.  Somehow we got side tracked through the streets of Belgium so I was trying to capture video on my cell phone of all the decorated streets our cruise ship was going through.  It was like some weird multidimensional thing where we weren't just seeing the buildings like we were standing at the side of the ship, but rather we were inside the ship and it's like everything was being brought directly into the room with us.  For the record, I've never been to Belgium, I have desire to ever go to Belgium, I don't know why I was interpreting all the Christmas decorated streets as being Belgium, or why the hell I was on a cruise ship to begin with.

Last night's pee breaks came at 3:25am and 7am.  Good times.

I'm HUNGRY!!!  Usually a white mocha and a small pastry will last me until dinner, but that is just so not happening right now.  I've only been up for 2 hours and I'm already eating my second small meal of the day.  K finally made my long awaited for Chili-ghetti for dinner last night and I'm chowing down on leftovers.  With all the cheese and beans and beef, it's a major protein punch.  I put it away in small containers last night specifically so I would have a "go-to" meal staple for a couple of days.

I have little motivation to do anything right now.  I'm forcing myself to do pottery because I'm really behind on my quota and the deadline is, oh, now, but I'm just not wanting to do anything.  I'm even going to bed early, not so much because I'm tired, but rather because I'm bored.

I definitely have pregnancy gut.  I've been a little bloated all along and there's an almost constant tension in there.  It's very mild, but just kind of a constant reminder that I have an abdomen.

PS - K isn't in a celebrating mood.  I keep saying "I'm pregnant" and he keeps saying "I hope so!"  Poo head.  So I'm just gonna boogie on my own.

Go

Had an early dinner with K last night.  He was stuck at work for an extra long day due to scheduling snafus so I went up to his workplace to take him to a long "lunch" near dinner time.  And the whole time, I was saying "I have no proof, but I'm 99% sure I'm pregnant."

Why did I think this?  Because of all the activity going on in my abdomen.  Because I'm actually getting HUNGRY instead of just kinda wanting a snack.  Cuz I'm dreaming like crazy every night instead of the one dream per week that's average for me.

On the way home, I was in a really good mood.  At a red light I was totally rocking out to something on the radio.  And 20 minutes later as I took my freeway exit near home, I started crying imagining looking at my first ultrasound and whether or not it will have 1 or 2 Maybies in it.  That's some major mood swing action so I knew that when I made it home, I had to pee on a stick.

Being only 4dp5dt, I expected to see nothing of course.

Now, I realize that the second lines are very faint, especially since they don't want to show up on camera, but they're there.  I had peed on a few earlier, including the morning of transfer to ensure that this is NOT the trigger shot leftovers.  Nope, that has completely cleared from my system so the only possible source of any HCG right now is my little Maybies.  And I really am thinking that it might be twins again.  It showed up on day 4 for crying out loud!  And every cramp and pull that I'm having is either the lower left or the upper right, the same locations as those 2 really strong, potentially implantation twinges.  But never in the upper left or lower right.

I really thought that I would get upset at seeing my BFP, but I didn't.  Guys, I'm having emotions almost as if I'm completely naive of what could happen.  K is not and he really kind of pissed me off last night by not getting all excited with me.  I am afraid that this pregnancy will last no more than a day or two before fading away, so I guess I'm trying to enjoy it for the few moments that I have it.

Here's my freakout list -

• I peed again this morning and while the faint, faint line is still there, it's even fainter.  Is it going away????  Is it a chemical pregnancy and I'm going to be back in the IF/MC club next week??
• A line showed up on day 4, just how many are in there kicking out HCG anyway????  I had an embryo split last time to create 2 babies and we transferred 2 perfect embryos this time.  Am I going to have to some horrible decisions to make when we can finally count how many may have split and stuck?
• Am I jinxing things by saying this out loud and actually being happy about it?

Okey dokey.  So.  At the moment, for at least this moment, I'm knocked up!

The starter pistol has sounded, I'm officially running towards the finish line.  But wow are there a lot of hurdles between here and there.  The first hurdle - still being pregnant when I do my beta test on Thursday, Nov 3rd. In other words, determining that this pregnancy is real and not a chemical pregnancy.

I'm fully expecting to lose a few followers this week.  I tend to stop reading IF blogs that become pregnancy blogs so if that's how you feel, I totally understand.  I hope you'll come back and join me again when you're on your own track towards graduation.  And if you see me back on the ICLW list on the Stirrup Queens website in the future, it will mean that this is no longer a pregnancy blog and has returned to being an IF/MC blog and it's safe to read me again.  I don't intend to participate while pregnant, that just seems rude.