I'm not sure why this occurred to me today, but it did.
Why, just why exactly do I want children? I'm not the person who looks forward to little bitty shoes, or goo-goos, or whatever else it is that appeals to a lot of people about babies and children. I'm anticipating a lot of work that's going to piss me off a good portion of the time.
Considering my attitude, and what I'm anticipating parenting to be like, one would think I would avoid it at all costs.
So here's what it is.
I know and love my husband so well, that I can glance at him, see him doing some stupid thing that only he does, like the way he laughs out loud at commercials as if the jokes are actually clever, and I just feel so connected to him.
When I think of my dad and great guy that he is, I don't think about the monumental moments in my life that he was present for. Or the great things that he's achieved. I think of his hands. His hands doing stupid little magic tricks like where you hold your palms together, hold a pencil in your thumbs, and then turn your hands flat still holding the pencil (yes, I know how to do this). My dad almost always has something stupid in his hands that he's fidgeting with by way of little magic tricks.
These are the details that define a person. These are the things that need to go into a scrapbook to give an observer an indication of that person as a person. Graduation pictures say nothing other than that person wore in a weird hat and a robe for an hour. Weddings are lovely, but they really have nothing to do with your marriage. When I take my video camera to Thanksgiving dinners and stuff, I'm zooming in on my dads hands from across the room, and I'm leaving the camera running with tape over the red light so no one realizes it's on because maybe I'll catch a family member doing something iconic of that person.
It overwhelms me that I might have the privilege of knowing and loving even more people in this way. Two more complete human beings that I'm going to know and understand and recognize and adore so much. That there will be more people in my life who connect me by just absent mindedly twirling their hair in the way that only they do, or walking with a certain posture like only they can. I get to be privy to that secret language that only people who deeply understand each other can have.
And that's why I have no interest in your children. I don't know them the way that you do, and I have no right or inclination to know them the way that you do. But I'm going to be utterly fascinated by mine. I just can't believe that I'm going to have the privilege of bonding to additional people as tightly or even more so than my husband.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Trigger me this
I'm in a really weird place at the moment. Almost paralyzed not knowing how to react.
I'm ok, we're all fine, it's just, well let me tell you how I spent my day.
A friend of mine is a producer at Creative Live where they produce a variety of photography and video workshops. She hired me to take edit notes for the photography workshop this weekend. That entails sitting up in a room watching the live stream of workshop in progress, and taking notes on things the video editor might need to know when they are working on the downloadable version. Things like someone blocking the camera, or the sound in the mic goes screwy, or they have to wait 2 minutes while equipment is failing, stuff like that.
Soooooo, this weekends workshop is called Bellies and Babies. In other words, how to photograph pregnant bellies and little babies. If I weren't pregnant, I wouldn't be within 10 miles of that studio this weekend.
Most of the day was spent doing photo shoots with a pregnant woman, and a variety of babies, all under the age of 9 months. One as young as 6 days old! And because I'm starting to turn the emotional corner from bitter infertile to happy mommy, a turn I'm fighting tooth and nail but let's face it, I'm turning, I actually enjoyed most of the workshop today. I caught myself smiling at cuteness several times.
I'm ok, we're all fine, it's just, well let me tell you how I spent my day.
A friend of mine is a producer at Creative Live where they produce a variety of photography and video workshops. She hired me to take edit notes for the photography workshop this weekend. That entails sitting up in a room watching the live stream of workshop in progress, and taking notes on things the video editor might need to know when they are working on the downloadable version. Things like someone blocking the camera, or the sound in the mic goes screwy, or they have to wait 2 minutes while equipment is failing, stuff like that.
Soooooo, this weekends workshop is called Bellies and Babies. In other words, how to photograph pregnant bellies and little babies. If I weren't pregnant, I wouldn't be within 10 miles of that studio this weekend.
Most of the day was spent doing photo shoots with a pregnant woman, and a variety of babies, all under the age of 9 months. One as young as 6 days old! And because I'm starting to turn the emotional corner from bitter infertile to happy mommy, a turn I'm fighting tooth and nail but let's face it, I'm turning, I actually enjoyed most of the workshop today. I caught myself smiling at cuteness several times.
For the last 45 minutes of the day, the photographer/instructor talked very emotionally about the charity she founded, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep or NILMDTS. This organization does infant photography for families that are losing or have lost a baby. And there was a video that included some of the images.
I wish I could talk more about the organization, but I wasn't capable of following along very closely for this portion of the workshop. I was triggered by the whole concept. And the one image I saw of itty bitty feet at the beginning of the video threw me over the edge.
So I'm just really wonked out right now. On the one hand, I'm all triggered about losing my first set of girls, what they might have looked like, and I'm afraid that all of the crying I haven't done in the last few months is about to catch up with me in one big sobby mess. On the other hand, I'm also living the fantasy that everyone who's lost children has, I'm getting a do-over. I've just crossed my own personal hurdle of 19 weeks. And yesterday, I got the information about this pregnancy that has started to carry me across the line from being completely pessimistic to having some deep down belief that it's going to be ok this time.
I think I'm alternating between crying, and being a completely brain-dead zombie. I'm triggered, but afraid to fully give in to the crying. I'm happy about the news yesterday, but afraid to fully invest myself into believing it.
I'm......getting licked by a cat. Yes, that I can absolutely confirm, I'm getting purred at and licked by my itty bitty kitty. But I have no answers for anything else that I might be at the moment. I just don't know where or what I am at the moment.
Friday, February 24, 2012
20 weeks
Well, we've passed 20 weeks! Woot! I've got pictures, I've got video, I've got info! Lots of randomness in this post so I'll try to break it up into topics. The real baby stuff is the last section if you want to skip down to there.
*** My hubby, Mr. Quiet ***
K has been to every single doctors appointment since this IVF attempt began. Yes, every single blood draw, every internal exam, he's there for all of it. Like I said before, I married good! I'm not good at dealing with doctors because the doctors I saw when I was younger, they were all real pricks. Dr. C and my GP are very different from the pricks, but ya know, old habits of closing off and being on guard, they die hard. So K goes with me, especially now that I have the addition of hormones to add to my usual issues, partially just to keep me company and to endure the scheduling challenges with me, and partially to remind me of questions and to remember the answers since odds are I won't remember them correctly.
He talks a lot to me. So I forget that when he's not in his own territory, and an OB's office is NOT his territory, he pretty much just listens. Doesn't say a word.
So Dr. C's nurse, we'll dub her RNA (as in Nurse A, but NA is too close to N/A and I don't want to be insulting), she comes in and we're talking about how I passed the glucose test. She gives the remark "I should have told you to celebrate with some cake or something!" and K replies "Oh, she did."
RNA - "He actually speaks!"
Yup. That's my man. A man of few words. And those few words are usually some witty remark that make you realize that he's been paying attention to everything all along.
*** Dr. C ***
Dr. C said he would check my blog to see how I interpreted my appointment today. I told him that now that I know he reads this, I'm probably never going to talk about him again! But that just wouldn't be any fun at all, now would it?
So, Dr. C, yes, you got rid of your old shoes, but your current shoes are now becoming old shoes, so says the woman who wears moccasins out in public. Personally, I vote you keep your comfy shoes. As mine start getting holes, they become shoes for the pottery studio until they are so worn out and covered in mud that they walk themselves into the garbage can! Clearly I have my fashion priorities, if it ain't comfy, it ain't worth it.
I was going to campaign to see if I could convince you to go blond because that would just be hysterical, but I won't inflict such a joke on the woman who got you to get rid of your old shoes. If it were just you, I might be evil and convince you that you could totally pull off being a blond (bwahahahahah!) but nope, can't do it now. Damn conscience!
Ok, actual information that I took away from the appointment today other than the important stuff about the babies in the final section of this post - because anemia is common, I'm going to start taking an iron supplement with a vitamin C supplement as a preventative measure. So I guess with extra iron, I'll also be adding metamucil and fiber gummies back into rotation to make sure I poo again at some point. We're also going to keep me on a low dose of metformin since it might be what's holding off the diabetes and there's no reason not to take it.
I seem to be eating enough, which I was a little concerned about since I'm having to make a real effort to do so. I'm so sick of food! No, I guess I'm not really sick of food, I'm sick of the going to the fridge and figuring out what to eat process. If someone just puts food in front of me, I'm generally happy to eat some of it, but only being able to eat a little at a time and needing to eat several times per day, it's just frustrating. But according to my book, my weight is on track, and Dr. C hasn't said anything about the rate of my weight gain so I guess I'm doing it right.
And of course, I forgot to ask about the headaches. Probably because I didn't have one for that particular hour. And I forgot to ask about these little heart races. Or, I'm not sure if my heart races, or just needs to pump harder for a few minutes, but I'm sometimes getting the feeling like a random bit of adrenaline is suddenly flowing through me. Yeah, I forgot to ask, I'm a dork. Others on my pregnancy forums are complaining about headaches and I understand that during pregnancy the heart has to work harder due to increased blood volume, so I'm going under the assumption that both of these things are normal. I'll be back in 2 weeks so I can ask then. I was social enough to chat about politics, but too brain dead to remember my actual relevant questions. *sigh*
*** Size ***
First, let's check on the belly progress, shall we? Again, we'll start with the 10 week picture because it's still difficult to determine what is fat and what is babies without a starting reference.
Never in a million years would I have looked at that 10 week picture and thought "gee, I was thin!" but that's what I'm doing!
Ok, so here's the thing - when I started going to the fertility clinic, I was at my very fattest, 266lbs. After a couple of months on metformin, I lost some weight and kind of hung out in the 250-255lbs range. I only ever bought 1 pair of comfortable jeans for the 266lb me, but I had a full wardrobe for the 255lb version. I got pregnant with Girls 1.0, moved up into my 266lbs fat pants, and for about a week was starting to wear a pair of maternity jeans.
When I got home after losing them, my weight was once again peeked at 266lbs. Over the next 2 weeks, it dropped down to 248lbs where I hung out for a while, and had to dig out my "thin" wardrobe that I hadn't worn in years. Then the fertility clinic changed all their rules and decided I couldn't get pregnant again until I got my fat ass below 232lbs, so I worked my ass off to get there, and bought 2 pairs of smaller jeans as my body shrank simply so I could get dressed without my pants falling off. I had no intentions of keeping that weight off which is why I only bought the bare minimum to dress myself.
I started this pregnancy somewhere around 235lbs. I'm back up to about 256lbs, and have just grown back into what I consider to be my "normal" wardrobe. I still have some weight to gain before I get out the fat pants, and even more before I get out the maternity jeans. And being a fat person all along, lord knows I have plenty of tops that will serve just fine as maternity tops. So why my mother came by to try on some maternity tops that she bought me, I'll never know! I appreciate the thought Mom, but there's a chance I won't need anything more than the wardrobe I already have!
*** Employment ***
It looks like I'm ready to unemploy myself. I left my pottery gig because the potty breaks, and being exhausted just didn't make production feasible. Left on good terms though, I'll have that job when I want it back.
The video gigs have started up again after being slow for more than a year, and I'm finding that I can't keep doing it. The video stuff was ok for a while, but the last couple of weeks, I just feel like crap when I get home from a job. The lugging around of equipment just doesn't feel like something I should be doing. And I'm moving slower than usual so a job that's supposed to take 90 minutes is taking 2 hours. K went on a job with me yesterday and he did all of the equipment lugging, and he agrees, it's time for me to stop. Sometimes it's no big deal, but sometimes it's grueling, and there's simply no way of predicting which kind of job you're walking into. I have 2 more jobs booked, one of which is likely to be cancelled, and then I'm done until the kiddos are ready to be without me for a couple of hours at a time.
I have a very part time admin job that I'll keep. It's about 2 hours per week, and not even every week, but it's just nice to be useful somewhere even if the paycheck really only covers the gas. And another friend has hired me to take edit notes for her video shoot this weekend, and that has no physical requirements at all so I can do things like that. I'm hoping more little gigs like that will trickle in so I'm not completely throwing us under the financial bus.
But, bigger picture - not working for a few months to make sure the kiddos get here ok, that's still cheaper than another IVF attempt if I keep working and harm the kiddos doing so!
*** 20 week anatomy scan ***
Ok, I know that this is what you're all really here for. It's not about me, it's about the babies, so let's get to it!
It's been a week of good news. All I have is good news. I'm so out of my element here!
I'm still just gobsmacked that I didn't fail my glucose test and get to assume I don't have diabetes for another 2 months. I am going to start checking my blood sugar levels when I wake up so we can just be sure that everything stays ok before I take the test again at 28 weeks. Lucky me still has my handy dandy blood poking kit that I was taught how to use in my last pregnancy.
Let's check in on the little ones, shall we? The pictures and videos are getting a little more blobby again. Mostly because they no longer have much room to lay all nice and profile for the camera. So the cuteness factor is a little diminished. Today they were mostly curled up pretty tight, ankles crossed. But there's some cute swallowing action from Baby B at about 1:15 in the video.
The ultrasound was scheduled to last 20 minutes, but it took us about an hour. They were being a bit difficult to measure and today was the anatomy scan where they do tons of measurements.
We did finally got a proper potty shot of Baby B and it's confirmed, we've got 2 girls! The technician says there's always a margin of error, but yeah, both girls.
They both of brains! And kidneys! And hearts with 4 ventricles! They are developing properly, no abnormalities!
Size wise, there are 2 things that we look for. First, we want them to measure above the 10 percentile in terms of general size. The percentiles are standardized for singleton pregnancies and it's just generally understood that twins are going to be smaller, which is why being above only 10% is acceptable. Second, you want the twins to be growing evenly. You don't want one at 10% and the other at 40%. Mine?
Measuring at 43% and 44% (aka average size for a singleton!) and a size differential of 0%!
Dr. C says that a differential of 0% is unheard of (as in exceptionally great) and that average singleton size is really healthy for twins.
The last 2 things to look at are cervix length, and the state of the SCH.
In the book I'm generally referring to throughout the pregnancy, When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy
, says that at the 20 week scan, if you have a cervix length of 2cm or more, it's likely that you will carry to term. So I went in today with a very specific goal in mind. Did I achieve this goal? 4.6cm bitches! Boo-yah!! I can't really pull off "boo-yah" can I? Yeah, let's move on.
And now, the state of my bleed. The nemesis of this pregnancy. The ER Trip Generator. I haven't bled for 2 weeks now. And the SCH is about half the size it was at the last few checks, so it's pretty much getting squished out of existence at the moment. I'm not going to tempt the fates and declare anything about it being solved, or gone, or anything like that which might be interpreted by the universe as predicting the future in any way, but there ya go. Half the size it was, and haven't been bleeding for a while. Take from that what you will!
The babies are healthy. They are the right size. They have all of their parts and those parts are functioning properly. I don't currently have any diseases or other issues that is threatening their well-being. I'm still not really feeling their movements, but I'm sure feeling my skin stretch so I have that to tell me that they are still growing every day.
So I'm having a pretty good day today.
*** My hubby, Mr. Quiet ***
K has been to every single doctors appointment since this IVF attempt began. Yes, every single blood draw, every internal exam, he's there for all of it. Like I said before, I married good! I'm not good at dealing with doctors because the doctors I saw when I was younger, they were all real pricks. Dr. C and my GP are very different from the pricks, but ya know, old habits of closing off and being on guard, they die hard. So K goes with me, especially now that I have the addition of hormones to add to my usual issues, partially just to keep me company and to endure the scheduling challenges with me, and partially to remind me of questions and to remember the answers since odds are I won't remember them correctly.
He talks a lot to me. So I forget that when he's not in his own territory, and an OB's office is NOT his territory, he pretty much just listens. Doesn't say a word.
So Dr. C's nurse, we'll dub her RNA (as in Nurse A, but NA is too close to N/A and I don't want to be insulting), she comes in and we're talking about how I passed the glucose test. She gives the remark "I should have told you to celebrate with some cake or something!" and K replies "Oh, she did."
RNA - "He actually speaks!"
Yup. That's my man. A man of few words. And those few words are usually some witty remark that make you realize that he's been paying attention to everything all along.
*** Dr. C ***
Dr. C said he would check my blog to see how I interpreted my appointment today. I told him that now that I know he reads this, I'm probably never going to talk about him again! But that just wouldn't be any fun at all, now would it?
So, Dr. C, yes, you got rid of your old shoes, but your current shoes are now becoming old shoes, so says the woman who wears moccasins out in public. Personally, I vote you keep your comfy shoes. As mine start getting holes, they become shoes for the pottery studio until they are so worn out and covered in mud that they walk themselves into the garbage can! Clearly I have my fashion priorities, if it ain't comfy, it ain't worth it.
I was going to campaign to see if I could convince you to go blond because that would just be hysterical, but I won't inflict such a joke on the woman who got you to get rid of your old shoes. If it were just you, I might be evil and convince you that you could totally pull off being a blond (bwahahahahah!) but nope, can't do it now. Damn conscience!
Ok, actual information that I took away from the appointment today other than the important stuff about the babies in the final section of this post - because anemia is common, I'm going to start taking an iron supplement with a vitamin C supplement as a preventative measure. So I guess with extra iron, I'll also be adding metamucil and fiber gummies back into rotation to make sure I poo again at some point. We're also going to keep me on a low dose of metformin since it might be what's holding off the diabetes and there's no reason not to take it.
I seem to be eating enough, which I was a little concerned about since I'm having to make a real effort to do so. I'm so sick of food! No, I guess I'm not really sick of food, I'm sick of the going to the fridge and figuring out what to eat process. If someone just puts food in front of me, I'm generally happy to eat some of it, but only being able to eat a little at a time and needing to eat several times per day, it's just frustrating. But according to my book, my weight is on track, and Dr. C hasn't said anything about the rate of my weight gain so I guess I'm doing it right.
And of course, I forgot to ask about the headaches. Probably because I didn't have one for that particular hour. And I forgot to ask about these little heart races. Or, I'm not sure if my heart races, or just needs to pump harder for a few minutes, but I'm sometimes getting the feeling like a random bit of adrenaline is suddenly flowing through me. Yeah, I forgot to ask, I'm a dork. Others on my pregnancy forums are complaining about headaches and I understand that during pregnancy the heart has to work harder due to increased blood volume, so I'm going under the assumption that both of these things are normal. I'll be back in 2 weeks so I can ask then. I was social enough to chat about politics, but too brain dead to remember my actual relevant questions. *sigh*
*** Size ***
First, let's check on the belly progress, shall we? Again, we'll start with the 10 week picture because it's still difficult to determine what is fat and what is babies without a starting reference.
 |
| 10 weeks |
 |
| 20 weeks |
Ok, so here's the thing - when I started going to the fertility clinic, I was at my very fattest, 266lbs. After a couple of months on metformin, I lost some weight and kind of hung out in the 250-255lbs range. I only ever bought 1 pair of comfortable jeans for the 266lb me, but I had a full wardrobe for the 255lb version. I got pregnant with Girls 1.0, moved up into my 266lbs fat pants, and for about a week was starting to wear a pair of maternity jeans.
When I got home after losing them, my weight was once again peeked at 266lbs. Over the next 2 weeks, it dropped down to 248lbs where I hung out for a while, and had to dig out my "thin" wardrobe that I hadn't worn in years. Then the fertility clinic changed all their rules and decided I couldn't get pregnant again until I got my fat ass below 232lbs, so I worked my ass off to get there, and bought 2 pairs of smaller jeans as my body shrank simply so I could get dressed without my pants falling off. I had no intentions of keeping that weight off which is why I only bought the bare minimum to dress myself.
I started this pregnancy somewhere around 235lbs. I'm back up to about 256lbs, and have just grown back into what I consider to be my "normal" wardrobe. I still have some weight to gain before I get out the fat pants, and even more before I get out the maternity jeans. And being a fat person all along, lord knows I have plenty of tops that will serve just fine as maternity tops. So why my mother came by to try on some maternity tops that she bought me, I'll never know! I appreciate the thought Mom, but there's a chance I won't need anything more than the wardrobe I already have!
*** Employment ***
It looks like I'm ready to unemploy myself. I left my pottery gig because the potty breaks, and being exhausted just didn't make production feasible. Left on good terms though, I'll have that job when I want it back.
The video gigs have started up again after being slow for more than a year, and I'm finding that I can't keep doing it. The video stuff was ok for a while, but the last couple of weeks, I just feel like crap when I get home from a job. The lugging around of equipment just doesn't feel like something I should be doing. And I'm moving slower than usual so a job that's supposed to take 90 minutes is taking 2 hours. K went on a job with me yesterday and he did all of the equipment lugging, and he agrees, it's time for me to stop. Sometimes it's no big deal, but sometimes it's grueling, and there's simply no way of predicting which kind of job you're walking into. I have 2 more jobs booked, one of which is likely to be cancelled, and then I'm done until the kiddos are ready to be without me for a couple of hours at a time.
I have a very part time admin job that I'll keep. It's about 2 hours per week, and not even every week, but it's just nice to be useful somewhere even if the paycheck really only covers the gas. And another friend has hired me to take edit notes for her video shoot this weekend, and that has no physical requirements at all so I can do things like that. I'm hoping more little gigs like that will trickle in so I'm not completely throwing us under the financial bus.
But, bigger picture - not working for a few months to make sure the kiddos get here ok, that's still cheaper than another IVF attempt if I keep working and harm the kiddos doing so!
*** 20 week anatomy scan ***
Ok, I know that this is what you're all really here for. It's not about me, it's about the babies, so let's get to it!
It's been a week of good news. All I have is good news. I'm so out of my element here!
I'm still just gobsmacked that I didn't fail my glucose test and get to assume I don't have diabetes for another 2 months. I am going to start checking my blood sugar levels when I wake up so we can just be sure that everything stays ok before I take the test again at 28 weeks. Lucky me still has my handy dandy blood poking kit that I was taught how to use in my last pregnancy.
Let's check in on the little ones, shall we? The pictures and videos are getting a little more blobby again. Mostly because they no longer have much room to lay all nice and profile for the camera. So the cuteness factor is a little diminished. Today they were mostly curled up pretty tight, ankles crossed. But there's some cute swallowing action from Baby B at about 1:15 in the video.
The ultrasound was scheduled to last 20 minutes, but it took us about an hour. They were being a bit difficult to measure and today was the anatomy scan where they do tons of measurements.
We did finally got a proper potty shot of Baby B and it's confirmed, we've got 2 girls! The technician says there's always a margin of error, but yeah, both girls.
They both of brains! And kidneys! And hearts with 4 ventricles! They are developing properly, no abnormalities!
Size wise, there are 2 things that we look for. First, we want them to measure above the 10 percentile in terms of general size. The percentiles are standardized for singleton pregnancies and it's just generally understood that twins are going to be smaller, which is why being above only 10% is acceptable. Second, you want the twins to be growing evenly. You don't want one at 10% and the other at 40%. Mine?
~~~~~~Drum roll please!~~~~~~
Measuring at 43% and 44% (aka average size for a singleton!) and a size differential of 0%!
Dr. C says that a differential of 0% is unheard of (as in exceptionally great) and that average singleton size is really healthy for twins.
The last 2 things to look at are cervix length, and the state of the SCH.
In the book I'm generally referring to throughout the pregnancy, When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy
, says that at the 20 week scan, if you have a cervix length of 2cm or more, it's likely that you will carry to term. So I went in today with a very specific goal in mind. Did I achieve this goal? 4.6cm bitches! Boo-yah!! I can't really pull off "boo-yah" can I? Yeah, let's move on.And now, the state of my bleed. The nemesis of this pregnancy. The ER Trip Generator. I haven't bled for 2 weeks now. And the SCH is about half the size it was at the last few checks, so it's pretty much getting squished out of existence at the moment. I'm not going to tempt the fates and declare anything about it being solved, or gone, or anything like that which might be interpreted by the universe as predicting the future in any way, but there ya go. Half the size it was, and haven't been bleeding for a while. Take from that what you will!
The babies are healthy. They are the right size. They have all of their parts and those parts are functioning properly. I don't currently have any diseases or other issues that is threatening their well-being. I'm still not really feeling their movements, but I'm sure feeling my skin stretch so I have that to tell me that they are still growing every day.
So I'm having a pretty good day today.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Nothing much going on
Hi! I got a comment saying I'd been quiet and wondering if I'm ok. Yup, we're all fine! I simply haven't had a whole lot to say.
I'm almost 20 weeks and starting to do the pregnant stance and walk whether I mean to or not. I was standing in the kitchen yesterday and realized I was standing kind of pushing my stomach out. So I tried to stand up straight and nope, that is not comfortable at all. So I guess I've crossed the point where one might do that to try to look all pregnant to honestly really needing to stand like that.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with my coordination while I eat, but I'm ending up with something on my shirt almost every time I eat anything. Cutting into some eggs at a family breakfast, I flung the entire forkful of egg, salmon, and hollandaise sauce at my belly. After eating a brownie with a caramel topping, I got up and found caramel on my jammies. I don't even remember the brownie being close enough to me to get on my clothes! Sneaky assed caramel!
Just got a phone call from the doctors office. I passed the gestational diabetes test! WOOT!!! I don't have diabetes yet! I'm completely shocked. I failed it miserably the last time, I had taken it a week earlier in the pregnancy, and then I only had one placenta making the whole insulin thing more difficult whereas this time I have two. I guess the metformin and the 20 lost pounds are making a real difference! I didn't think that small amount of weight loss, considering I'm much more overweight than just 20lbs, would make much difference at all.
Oh, and about taking that test. As we saw a week or so ago, I vomited up the glucose solution. So they said to eat 18 jelly beans over the course of 2 minutes and then get my blood drawn an hour later. So hubby brought home a bag full of the jelly beans I needed. And so I didn't have to suffer alone, he raced me to get down a serving of them himself. That's what kind of guy he is. When we first moved in together, it was still really early in our relationship, like at 5 months. And I was starting to deal with my sleep apnea so within a few weeks, I was trying out a CPAP machine. So instead of having this sexy honeymoon phase where I would go to bed with my man looking all cute and sexy and stuff, I had to go to bed with a full friggin face mask. Oh baby, you sexy thing you. So my man took the extra mask and slept with that on his face so I wouldn't be embarrassed and uncomfortable by myself.
I think that these things really say a lot about what kind of guy he is and really explain why I married him and why I'm so grateful that he exists in the world. As I read what other women are putting up with as I read various forums, I just don't get why they put up with it. My man would gouge his own eyes out before he ever said anything hurtful to me and so many of these women are getting insulted on a regular basis. Any time I can convince one person to hold out for a man like the one I've found, I'm gonna try to do it. I'm no prize. I'm not super thin sexy beast. I'm not all that special. Women half my size are being called fat by their men and are being made to feel bad about themselves. And if a man as wonderful as mine can fall in love with fat, old, ornery me, I don't comprehend why anyone would choose anything less.
Ok, but I digress. So what else has been going on around here this week? Still not really feeling baby movements. They're in there. We find a couple of hearts beating every night on the doppler, but I'm just not feelin in yet.
We've been dealing with some cat issues.
One of my kitties is super sweet, but really skittish. This is the one I'm talking about, Shadow.
He wants attention, but gets nervous and runs when you make a move to give him some. So he'll sit next to my chair and talk to me. And reach up and tap my arm with his claws. So I bend down to can pet him, but having this person suddenly looming over him freaks him out and he runs off only to repeat the process a few minutes later. This routine gets old, really fast.
So I've been training him to come up and use the cat bed that's on the corner of my desk. My 2 youngest kitties practically live there, but there are times when it's vacant. I'd really appreciate it if Shadow would come up to where I am so I can pet him rather than have me bend in a position that's getting more and more uncomfortable only to run away.
It's taken some effort because he really doesn't like being grabbed and moved, but with a lot of catnip, encouragement, and ignoring him when he's on the floor, he's learned that he's allowed to come up on my desk and I think he's starting to figure out that it's a place he wants to be. He's jumping up and testing the waters quite often, getting a few snuggles and then jumping down. A few times, he's gone ahead and sat his butt down in the bed which is a big accomplishment as it signals that he's relaxed enough to sit, albeit somewhat tentatively.
And my big loverboy Mayday has been sick. He's usually pretty vibrant but he's just been kind of whiny and sad, and really wanting mama time. Very much like a child who doesn't feel good and just wants to snuggle with mommy on the couch.
We've noticed that his poo has gone liquid again and there was some blood dripping on his back end. But the blood seemed to be just blood, not mixed with poo, so that really freaked us out. We're familiar with blood in the stool, but not just blood. So we got him into the vet right quick and he's got the same bug he had about a year ago. I don't get why he keeps getting this. He's the only one in the house who gets this thing and we've been really good about making sure his diet has switched over completely to the food the vet told us he should have for urinary tract infections. We've asked and asked about what can be done to prevent him from getting this and there's just nothing we can do but treat it when he gets it.
He's the one that climbs across my belly on his way to my face every night for snuggles. He's 20lbs now. And a clod. He really knows how to put all of his weight on just the wrong spot, so I'm really trying to teach him to walk up next to me instead of on me. So far, that training is not going well.
Busy week ahead. I'm working every day this week either doing a video shoot, doing admin at a video company, or taking notes for someone elses video shoot. I didn't mean to pack this week so tight, but if it wears me out, this might be the last week that I accept jobs (other than my once a week admin job). Ultrasound and doctors appointment on Friday so I might have a new video to post.
I'm almost 20 weeks and starting to do the pregnant stance and walk whether I mean to or not. I was standing in the kitchen yesterday and realized I was standing kind of pushing my stomach out. So I tried to stand up straight and nope, that is not comfortable at all. So I guess I've crossed the point where one might do that to try to look all pregnant to honestly really needing to stand like that.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with my coordination while I eat, but I'm ending up with something on my shirt almost every time I eat anything. Cutting into some eggs at a family breakfast, I flung the entire forkful of egg, salmon, and hollandaise sauce at my belly. After eating a brownie with a caramel topping, I got up and found caramel on my jammies. I don't even remember the brownie being close enough to me to get on my clothes! Sneaky assed caramel!
Just got a phone call from the doctors office. I passed the gestational diabetes test! WOOT!!! I don't have diabetes yet! I'm completely shocked. I failed it miserably the last time, I had taken it a week earlier in the pregnancy, and then I only had one placenta making the whole insulin thing more difficult whereas this time I have two. I guess the metformin and the 20 lost pounds are making a real difference! I didn't think that small amount of weight loss, considering I'm much more overweight than just 20lbs, would make much difference at all.
Oh, and about taking that test. As we saw a week or so ago, I vomited up the glucose solution. So they said to eat 18 jelly beans over the course of 2 minutes and then get my blood drawn an hour later. So hubby brought home a bag full of the jelly beans I needed. And so I didn't have to suffer alone, he raced me to get down a serving of them himself. That's what kind of guy he is. When we first moved in together, it was still really early in our relationship, like at 5 months. And I was starting to deal with my sleep apnea so within a few weeks, I was trying out a CPAP machine. So instead of having this sexy honeymoon phase where I would go to bed with my man looking all cute and sexy and stuff, I had to go to bed with a full friggin face mask. Oh baby, you sexy thing you. So my man took the extra mask and slept with that on his face so I wouldn't be embarrassed and uncomfortable by myself.
I think that these things really say a lot about what kind of guy he is and really explain why I married him and why I'm so grateful that he exists in the world. As I read what other women are putting up with as I read various forums, I just don't get why they put up with it. My man would gouge his own eyes out before he ever said anything hurtful to me and so many of these women are getting insulted on a regular basis. Any time I can convince one person to hold out for a man like the one I've found, I'm gonna try to do it. I'm no prize. I'm not super thin sexy beast. I'm not all that special. Women half my size are being called fat by their men and are being made to feel bad about themselves. And if a man as wonderful as mine can fall in love with fat, old, ornery me, I don't comprehend why anyone would choose anything less.
Ok, but I digress. So what else has been going on around here this week? Still not really feeling baby movements. They're in there. We find a couple of hearts beating every night on the doppler, but I'm just not feelin in yet.
We've been dealing with some cat issues.
One of my kitties is super sweet, but really skittish. This is the one I'm talking about, Shadow.He wants attention, but gets nervous and runs when you make a move to give him some. So he'll sit next to my chair and talk to me. And reach up and tap my arm with his claws. So I bend down to can pet him, but having this person suddenly looming over him freaks him out and he runs off only to repeat the process a few minutes later. This routine gets old, really fast.
So I've been training him to come up and use the cat bed that's on the corner of my desk. My 2 youngest kitties practically live there, but there are times when it's vacant. I'd really appreciate it if Shadow would come up to where I am so I can pet him rather than have me bend in a position that's getting more and more uncomfortable only to run away.
It's taken some effort because he really doesn't like being grabbed and moved, but with a lot of catnip, encouragement, and ignoring him when he's on the floor, he's learned that he's allowed to come up on my desk and I think he's starting to figure out that it's a place he wants to be. He's jumping up and testing the waters quite often, getting a few snuggles and then jumping down. A few times, he's gone ahead and sat his butt down in the bed which is a big accomplishment as it signals that he's relaxed enough to sit, albeit somewhat tentatively.
We've noticed that his poo has gone liquid again and there was some blood dripping on his back end. But the blood seemed to be just blood, not mixed with poo, so that really freaked us out. We're familiar with blood in the stool, but not just blood. So we got him into the vet right quick and he's got the same bug he had about a year ago. I don't get why he keeps getting this. He's the only one in the house who gets this thing and we've been really good about making sure his diet has switched over completely to the food the vet told us he should have for urinary tract infections. We've asked and asked about what can be done to prevent him from getting this and there's just nothing we can do but treat it when he gets it.
He's the one that climbs across my belly on his way to my face every night for snuggles. He's 20lbs now. And a clod. He really knows how to put all of his weight on just the wrong spot, so I'm really trying to teach him to walk up next to me instead of on me. So far, that training is not going well.
Busy week ahead. I'm working every day this week either doing a video shoot, doing admin at a video company, or taking notes for someone elses video shoot. I didn't mean to pack this week so tight, but if it wears me out, this might be the last week that I accept jobs (other than my once a week admin job). Ultrasound and doctors appointment on Friday so I might have a new video to post.
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