tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1574605296259081338.post4035969792417394593..comments2023-09-09T05:13:17.402-07:00Comments on First Time Twins: The UnchosenAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834196556216136587noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1574605296259081338.post-76773553923263211532011-10-09T17:50:55.705-07:002011-10-09T17:50:55.705-07:00This is the reason why I don't talk to a lot o...This is the reason why I don't talk to a lot of my family members, my brother especially since he is a trigger for me.<br /><br />We moved out to Fort Lewis three years ago and I'm happier on the West Coast now than I was on the East coast because of the distance from my family.<br /><br />We tried to explain to our families why we wouldn't be good candidates for adoption, and though my family understood, the in-laws did not. <br /><br />Yes, IVF is much cheaper in the long run but there is no guarantee either. I too long to look into the face of my child and see our blending of DNA.<br /><br />So I guess what I'm saying is that I can relate. <br /><br />Good luck on your IVF cycle. 12 more days thereabouts until my first egg retrival.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06316511791499949824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1574605296259081338.post-72529282759276368612011-09-15T16:57:24.684-07:002011-09-15T16:57:24.684-07:00Alex - I wish I could wave a magic wand and make y...Alex - I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better. i wish I had a long eloquent answer for you that would just make all of this hurt go away. <br />I don't. But if there's one thing I've learned after three miscarriages is that life is sometimes random, chaotic and cruel. Life is sometimes unfair. <br />However, (and I know this next part is harder to see) with all of that chaos and randomness, we eventually find a way to make sense and to find order in the ruin and heartbreak. It can be a long struggle, but it will come. I promise you that. <br />You will one day understand that you are more than deserving, and you are meant to be a mother, no matter how you get there. <br />You will one day live a happy and fulfilling life, and you will look back at this period in your life, and understand how it contributed to your happiness. <br />I know you can't see it now. I can't see it myself on some days. But on most I do. <br />My losses helped me find my calling. My losses helped me finally face up to my depression. My losses helped me strengthen my marriage. My losses helped me appreciate all of the good that life gives me, and to embrace every good day that comes. We are lucky. I know you can't see that now. <br />But we are. Our losses hurt. That pain never fully goes away. But we have felt pain. We have lived it. When people around us go through life on auto-pilot, we appreciate how precious life is, because we know how delicate it is. That is a blessing.<br />I'm an atheist. I understand that "spirituality" , for me at least, is a construct. <br />And yet, this last year has brought me peace. It has forced me to face my fears head on and appreciate what life has given me. <br />You will get there too. I promise. Because you are strong, and intelligent, and wonderful. You will get there. Sending you love and strength.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1574605296259081338.post-18935868812708911782011-09-15T13:01:19.263-07:002011-09-15T13:01:19.263-07:00Wow. I swear I didn't see this before I poste...Wow. I swear I didn't see this before I posted mine today, and I'm grateful for your comment. Because it is all too easy to get caught up in your own hurt and forget someone else's.<br /><br />Please do NOT see the loss of your twins as a sign of your future OR Gd's faith in you. Please. <br /><br />There is so much I wish I could write here, but I'm just going to send you positive vibes and a big hug. (HUG!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1574605296259081338.post-6979470949313318632011-09-14T11:31:12.433-07:002011-09-14T11:31:12.433-07:00I'm so sorry that your brother did this to you...I'm so sorry that your brother did this to you. His choice seems to be at the center of why you feel so badly. Has he given you any reason why he didn't choose you? <br /><br /> I didn't even put adoption of an infant on the table for hubby and me. If we weren't able to have biological children we would have moved on to foster a child. THAT is where the needy kids are. Unfortunately, they are also older and have been beaten around the system. I knew that with mental health issues in my family tree, and a history of cancer, birth mothers and agencies wouldn't look at us. Not to mention that we aren't religious. Also, we didn't have the 30 grand + you're looking at to adopt an infant in this country. I was also deathly afraid of having an infant placed with us, and then having the birth mother change her mind. So, I basically un-chose myself so no one would strike me down. I'm a coward that way, but you are brave, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for having courage. <br /><br /> You should never, ever feel that the loss of your daughters was nature's or God's way of saying you're unfit. I've suffered a loss, many of the women whose blogs I read have, and I KNOW that you would never say to someone else that they weren't chosen to parent by the Universe. Don't you dare be less kind to yourself than you are to others. You deserve the same kindness and generosity of spirit that you give everyone else :)<br /><br /> Just from reading your blog I know that you are smart, funny, patient, kind, strong, determined, open minded, and loving. You will be a great mom to some really, really, lucky kid(s).Chickenpighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09442755180328605920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1574605296259081338.post-81306306633921934362011-09-13T22:10:03.716-07:002011-09-13T22:10:03.716-07:00Oh Alex. :(
I won't pretend to know what you...Oh Alex. :(<br /><br />I won't pretend to know what you feel. I have no idea what it's like.<br /><br />I do know what it's like to hurt and have loss :( And so for that I give you my hugs, and empathy.<br /><br />When my husband had cancer, and he spent day after day bed bound in the hospital, and I would watch people come in, and go home, I would feel some of the WHY US? WHY ME? We didn't deserve this, we're good people.<br /><br />I came to the conclusion, that as human beings, when hard times come, our brains search for reason out of chaos. I think it's the bodies way of protecting us in some manner. I don't know why those things happened to us, and likely never will.<br /><br />I do know that out of that time, I became better, stronger, more kind, loving, generous.<br /><br />I do know that any child you ever have, will be loved so much, and appreciated, and feel worth.<br /><br />I hope that my words help you find comfort.<br /><br />AmandaAbsintheDragonflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14360341934076114747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1574605296259081338.post-65022174635436200082011-09-13T21:00:30.066-07:002011-09-13T21:00:30.066-07:00I am so SO sorry. For all of it. For everything ...I am so SO sorry. For all of it. For everything you have been through. Your fears are a big reason why I haven't pursued adoption further. A history of depression. Being overweight (I can't believe the IVF clinic wouldn't help you because of that!!!). Not being rich.<br />I hate it when parents looks at you all pretentious, and says "you don't understand because you don't have kids. You'll understand when you're a parent." Like you said, like I am talking without thinking? Like my opinion doesn't count, lacks validity. <br />I am really really sorry that I had to cancel our meet up, I am looking forward to seeing you and hope it can happen in the next week or two. Then I can give you a hug IRL, but for now this is a digital hug!BleedingTuliphttp://pursuingparenthood.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1574605296259081338.post-3935829037910670382011-09-13T20:45:41.245-07:002011-09-13T20:45:41.245-07:00Screw them all. I started crying reading your pos...Screw them all. I started crying reading your post, because I could have written it (except that I would never have had the guts). We gave up on having kids completely for 6 YEARS because I decided I wasn't good enough to be a mom. YOU ARE WORTHY. You know it, deep down, and all that matters is that you know it. A lot of really bad stuff has happened to you on your journey, and all of that is going to make you an even better mother because you'll make sure that your child never has to wonder if he is worthy of anything.MaryMargarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05883034258732444272noreply@blogger.com